Lies, Lust and Love
by DancingDaffodil1864
Summary: Elena has been secretly stuggling with self harm for months but when her boyfriend Damon finds out, he is quick to speak up and get her the help she needs. But what other deteriorating secrets is she keeping from him? Delena Story AU (only Damon is a Vampire) WARNING:: RATED M FOR SELF HARM AND DESCRIPTIVE SEXUAL ABUSE CONTENT READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
1. AN: for upcoming content

Hey guys!!

This is my very first attempt at writing a fanfic so be nice!! Just kidding, any and all suggestions and comments are very much appreciated! I will be adding another chapter somewhere during the week as I have already written it but it still needs a little tweaking. I will always try my very best to proof read my work and make it as best as I possible can for a great story.

Feel free to leave a comment telling me how I've done for my first time!

P.S I should probably address the warning as it is a story which evolves around a very sensitive subject that is rape. The actual mentioning of the situation isn't until maybe the 3rd or 4th chapter (could be later but not earlier than the 3rd) This piece was inspired by the #MeToo hashtag on Twitter. It is a lot more extreme, in-depth and focuses on a specific scenario which is why I am approaching this with my upmost sincerity to those who have been unlucky enough to have experienced this hateful act.

Thankyou again to those who have read the first chapter of Lies, Lust and Love. Another chapter will be uploaded shortly!


	2. Chapter 1: Damon to the Rescue

"HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?"

Damon was sat in the parlour in the boarding house with a glass of bourbon when I burst through the door after learning about what he did. I screamed at his face ready to punch a fist shaped hole in it.

He knew exactly why I was there.

"Calm down, Elena please"

His voice was very calm and quiet which didnt surprise me at all. He probably heard my car pull up on the drive before I even got out.

Only a couple minutes earlier I got a phone call from a therapist advising me to make an appointment about my increasingly addicting self harm problems. So much shit had already happened in the past four months and this certainly did not help matters at all. I drove about 10 times over the speed limit to give Damon a piece of my mind. He rung up about it the day before.

"YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON IN MY LIFE THAT I FELT COMFORTABLE SHOWING MY STRUGGLES TO. NOT EVEN BONNIE AND CAROLINE KNOW AND FOR YOU TO GO AND... AND"

I was so utterly frustrated that I couldn't even finish my sentence. Damon betrayed my trust in the worst possible way and he was gonna pay. Big time. This occasion certainly tops the list of biggest Damon Salvatore fuckups ever.

He sighed, stood up, placed his glass on the table and walked over till he was mere inches from my face. Heat radiated from every part of my body angrily. Sympathy clearly present in his soft facial features. He ran his hand delicately down my jaw to my collarbone.

"Baby you know that I would never intentionally hurt you. Trust me when I tell you that this is the best thing that could happen to you, your scars are getting deeper and more frequent. I had to do something. Seeing you suffer makes me so sad. I did the only thing I could think of doing."

Tears pooled in my eyes as I fell to my knees and broke down intensely. My emotions got the best of me, it rarely happened but when it did i refused to have anyone near me. He sat on the little step i was crying on and tried to hug me but i pushed him away. He was adamant and forced me into his strong hold. It was only then did I admit that I needed help yet Damon knew exactly when to call the clinic. He held me in his embrace while I cried violently. We stayed like that for a few minutes until he sat me up and spoke with assuring words.

"Lets take you upstairs, you can stay the night."

I replied with a simple "okay".

Before I had the chance to stand, he picked me up and told me to wrap my arms and legs around him. I then snuggled my head into his neck. He pushed the door open and carefully laid me down on his pillow. Damon walked over to his dresser to pull out something for me to sleep in. A shirt that was too big and a pair on panties. Both garments of clothes were placed next to my head on the neatly made bed.

He knew I would be tired from the events of the day so he rolled me over onto my back, while attempting to slide off the light blue jeans and thong that I wore. As he gently pushed my jeans down my thin waist, I grabbed his wrists quickly to stop his delicate movements. Damon looked down at me with confused eyes.

"It's okay, I can get dressed myself. I'll be back in a minute."

Before he could say another word, I swiftly grabbed the change of clothes he had layed out for me and made my way to the bathroom. In the pile of clothes were a lacy pair of black panties and one of Damon's oversized silk shirts that he slept in. I stared down at the garments a little while longer until a heavy sigh, I didn't notice I was holding, escaped my quivering lips. I quickly dressed and inspected myself in the bathroom mirror before brushing my teeth and damping my face a little.

 _He won't notice. Just act normal and he won't notice._

I finished getting changed and gathered up my things to meet Damon back in his bedroom. Before I had even closed the door, I was met with a pair of sparkling blue orbs standing inches from my now-flushed face. My mouth fell open at the sight, making me drop my jumble of clothes.

"Beautiful"

I managed to curl my mouth into a passable smile before reaching down to pick up the things I had dropped.

"Baby where did you get these from" I asked quietly, mentioning towards the black panties.

He hesitated before giving me an honest answer.

"I bought them online while you were at school. I checked your clothes size for emergency sleepovers like these. I didnt want to take any of your own so you wouldn't suspect anything. "

"I hope you know just how adorable you are." I spoke just above a whisper.

A smirk slid out of the corner of his mouth followed by a sly smile. He quickly lifted me up followed by me simultaneously wrapping my legs around his waist to connect behind him. He vamp-sped us to the bed where he straddled my hips and attacked my mouth with much enthusiasm. I stopped him quickly and immediately regretted it as I watched his pretty eyes bare into my own.

"I'm sorry. It's been such a long day and I'm just really tired."

His eyes held disappointment, understanding and lust all at once and it made my head spin.

"I completely understand Elena. I just want you to know that I'm especially proud of you today for dealing with this so well. I promise to be by your side through everything."

My hands fell slack bedsides my head as Damon lifted himself off of me to pull the thick quilt over me. A few moments later he joined me in the spoon position. We were so stuck in the moment that we laid there together for the rest of the night until we fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 2: Nostalgia

It was 3 in the morning when i woke up. Screaming, crying, panicking. Damon had only just left mere seconds ago to get a drink from the kitchen when he heard me. I cried and screamed. I couldn't breathe through the tears that streamed down my face.

Damon burst through the door and pinned me down on the bed, in a feeble attempt to calm me down. He sat on my hips and held my hands above my head to stop me from attacking him. Visions of a large, muscular figure on top of me littered my blurred view, making me scream louder and cry harder. I squirmed visciously trying to escape his bruising grasp from my wrists. My legs kicked forcefully while my arms thrashed erratically causing them both to slip loose from the mans death hold. I scrambled away from the strong figure and headed towards to door, but before I could grasp onto the handle, an unexpected, heavy mass landed on top of me, knocking the air from my lungs and preventing me from reaching my target. Strong hands flipped me onto my back where I tightly shut my eyes. It was only at this point where I heard faint whispers calling my name;

"Elena baby its okay. Breathe Elena, im here baby. Thats it, thats it. Calm down now. Thats good."

I stopped fighting as soon as I recognised his voice. My heart rate dropped dramatically and I calmed quickly knowing Damon was with me. He was quick to pick me up and hold me to his bare chest. Slowly, he made his way to the bed with me curled up into his arms and sat with his legs over the side of the bed while i had my knees on either side of his. My arms reached around his neck and I held onto his hair while I snuggled my head into the crook of his warm neck. He held me close, shushing me every time i whimpered. I wasnt screaming anymore but tears still streamed down my red puffy face. My whole body was shaking and I felt sick. He stroked my long chestnut hair and moved it out of my face while i burrowed into his warm neck.

"Baby im so sorry."

I began to apologise for my outburst.

"Elena, you dont have to apologise for... whatever that was. I just want to make sure you're okay. Lets take a look at you"

I pulled away hesitantly. I sat as still as I could in hope that he would miss the fact that I was still shaking.

"You're shaking a lot. Are you cold?"

 _Shit._

"No"

The word barely left my lips before i started bawling again.

"Hey, hey. No come on dont cry baby. You're perfectly safe here with me."

I took a few deep breaths soaking in Damon's last sentence. He held me to his chest while calming me down and giving me a chance to steady my breathing before calling my name.

"Elena?"

I looked at him with questioning eyes.

 _I know exactly what you're going to ask but please, please, please let me be wrong._

"Mmh?"

I mumbled, making sure he knew that I was listening.

"What are you so afraid of?"

Tears prickled my waterline as I begged them not to fall over and let him see. My eyes closed but to my misery, I felt one of the tears sliding down my still-wet cheek.

"Elena Gilbert, you know that you can tell my absolutely anything without being judged."

"I know."

I thought long and hard as to how I was going to respond to that haunting question. I finally settled on an appropriate answer.

"Honestly Damon, there's nothing wrong. I just got scared about having to face those feelings that I've kept locked away for months and I guess it got too much for me to handle.

"Okay. If you say that you're fine, then I believe you."

I could tell he didn't believe me but for some reason decided to end the conversation with a flirty smile.

Before he had the chance to ask anymore tear-jerking questions, I got up and quickly headed to the bathroom for a shower.

"Um, I think I'm gonna have a shower."

He nodded his head in allowance even though I had gotten used to making myself at home here. It came natural to me as i was at the boarding house almost as much as I was at my own flat.

Before he could say anything else to me, I had already shut the bathroom door.

 _Holy shit that was way too close for comfort. How the actual fuck am I suppose to tell a ruthless, bloodsucking vampire about... that night? God, just thinking about it makes my skin crawl and my stomach convulse._

I closed my eyes and shook the thought out of my head.

"Right. Enough of that, I need a shower." I stated out loud.

I slowly removed my black panties and shirt and hopped into the boiling shower. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my conscience.

I was in the shower no more than 10 minutes when i swore i heard the bathroom door open and close swiftly but i was extremely tired as it was half past three in the morning so I dismissed it as my imagination.

About 30 seconds later, a cold breeze hit the back of my legs. All the while i never opened my eyes. I felt a small kiss on the back of my neck and soft hands hug me from behind. I immediately twisted my body around and see Damon, naked, stood confidently in front of me. My breath got caught in my throat as I felt the crippling effects of PTSD wash over me.

"What are you doing in here"

I turned around and closed my eyes again to find comfort in the nothingness i saw.

"Just came to see how my precious baby is doing."

He wrapped his arms around my thin waist and dug his pelvis into mine. His bulge pressing into the dip at the bottom of my spine from the height difference. It's takes every ounce of willpower to keep myself standing.

"Damon..."

but before I could finish he began to speak again

"I know you have been through absolute hell lately and I want to take some of the pressure off."

He rested his chin on my shoulder and planted delicate kisses just below my jawline. My body froze and my heart rate skyrocketed. Butterflies fluttered violently, as if they wanted to escape. Jagged breaths came out in uneven pants, desperately trying to calm myself. Despite unsuccessful attempts, a soft whimper escaped my trembling lips.

 _You must've noticed my silent cry for help?_

I thoughtbecause he released his grasp on me and shut off the water. He carefully stepped out the shower and held my hand to indicate he wanted me to follow him.

"Why don't we continue this is the bedroom."

In a dreadful instant, my stomach twisted in a tight knot and my mouth returned to the dry state it was in.

Lust filled his baby blue eyes as he picked me up and sped to his bed, leaving our clothes sprawled out on the bathroom floor.

He thew me down on my back and crawled on top, quickly connecting our lips vigorously. He had both his strong, muscular arms holding himself up next to my head while he kissed me passionately. In a moment of weakness, my hands impulsively reached up into his wet, tangled hair. It was utter perfection. _This is fine_ , I thought, as long as he doesn't do anything other than this it will be okay, just stay like this. Please. The repositioned himself so he could balance on his left arm while the other slowly crept in between our hot bodies to reach my breast. He gently massaged it with his hand, making my nipple go hard. I instantly moaned at the contact. The ecstatic feeling was short lived, however, when something clicked and I was immediately taken back to reality to face my current situation but he was enjoying himself so much, I couldn't take it away from him.

Each movement of his hand made me wince and brought me closer to the brink of tears. I tried to hide it but I mustn't have been doing well enough because Damon pulled his arm out from between us and next to my head again where his eyes held me in a deep gaze "Hey hey hey, baby don't cry. If you're not comfortable just tell me"

His tone made it obvious that he knew the answer.

"No, no it's not that, it's.. I just.." i was scrambling over my words and trying to form a sentence seemed impossible. I quickly gave up with a deep sigh and broke away from his gaze as I felt my cheeks heat up and tears drop from my eyes.

"Elena, baby I don't ever want you to feel pressured into doing anything with me that you don't think you are ready for. Including this." Although I wasn't looking at him I could feel his eyes burning into mine.

"Im not ready." I stated bluntly. Even though I felt an instant shot of guilt from those three words, they were true.

"And that's okay. I just wish you would've told me."

I closed my eyes and nodded subtly.

Damon effortlessly lifted himself off of me after kissing me on the forehead and went to get us both some clothes. He sat on the end of the bed and dressed himself before moving down to face me. I grabbed a loose blanket and tried to cover myself with it before Damon grabbed it from my hands and moved it away.

"I know you said you aren't ready yet, but maybe we could work on your confidence of being indecent around me? If you aren't up for it just say alright?"

I knew he was desperate to have sex with me and I felt awful that I couldn't give him what he wanted so I decided to give it a go.

"I think that that's a good place to start." I meant what I said and stood by my word. I offered for us to watch a movie to dissipate some of the building tension that seemed to loom around us. I ended up with my head on his shirtless, perfectly chiseled torso while I lay in only Damon's oversized sleep shirt, wrapped in a blanket and his warm, safe embrace. As eager as I was to sleep with him, I much preferred cuddling to sex.


	4. Chapter 3: Not Today

2 DAYS LATER, MONDAY 3:30pm*

Damon was waiting for me outside my community college, leaning against his baby blue Camaro with this legs crossed at the ankles and arms folded across his chest. He was parked in the same spot he always is with the same seductive smirk on his lips.

I threw my bag into the back seats and kissed him forcefully.

"Hey baby, I missed you today."

I smile against his lips. He says that same line everyday.

But something was different.

His hands slid around my waist and he pulled me closer to him. He broke the kiss and snuggled into my neck to whisper in my ear.

"We've got to go somewhere."

I lifted my head and looked up at him suspiciously.

"That doesn't sound good."

He eyed me and raised his eyebrows. It was at this point that I knew exactly what he was talking about and where we were going. The therapist.

I was quick to push away from him and I stumbled back. Panic and fear rose inside of me.

"No no no no no. No Damon please, not today. I just want to go home."

He reached out to hold my hands and rubbed the top of them both with the pads of his thumbs. He knew how to calm me down.

"Elena, I know how distressing this is going to be which is why Clara suggested that for the first few sessions I should be there with you. I've met her in person, and I've told her everything about you and she's really nice."

I gave him a puzzled look.

"Clara, huh? Sounds like a bitch. And how much is everything?"

I was sceptical about how much this 'Clara' knew and still wasn't sure if this was the right thing for me.

"But before you answer that, answer me this first, why didn't you tell me it was today?"

"I didn't know it was today, she only rang me two hours ago and you were in school. I didn't want to worry you."

"It's moments like these where a small text goes a long way."

He pulled me in for another hug and rested his chin on my head.

"So what does she know?"

"Well, just the self harm. Baby, I promise I will be with you every step of the way. We've gotta get going or we might be late."

"Oh we wouldn't want that would we."

He let out an exasperated sigh and I immediately regretted my unnecessary snide comment.

"Just give her a chance will you?"

"Fine. Let's go."

Damon let me go and got in the drivers seat while I sluggishly walked around the car and adamantly got into the passengers seat. Calvin Harris's 'Feel so Close' was on the radio and I immediately cranked up the volume without hesitation and sung along carelessly. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Damon frequently glance at me with adoration sparkling in his eyes and a soft grin on his lips. An occasional chuckle emerged from his throat followed by a gentle shake of his head.

"You seem happier now." He added a sly smirk to the sentence.

"How could I not? This is the greatest song ever. _Ever_."

A sexy chuckle escaped him and I couldn't help but blush. I sunk down in my seat, closed my eyes and soaked in the happiness that came with the tune.

I must've fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, Damon was gently shaking my shoulder.

"We're here baby."

"Mmm, home?"

To my disappointment, we just pulled up to the clinic that was in the next town over, 35 miles away in Atlanta.

"No sweets, Atlanta."

At this comment, I was jolted awake.

"Atlanta? What the hell are we doing in Atlanta?"

"Therapy. Elena I told you that the closest clinic she can get to is in Atlanta."

I knew deep down that Damon was trying his absolute best to give me the support that I need but sometimes I feel like he's just trying to piss me off more than anything. I mean really, Atlanta?

"How long are my sessions going to be?"

"The first couple sessions are going to be a few hours, at least 2 but no more than 4. But as Clara gets to know you more, the need for longer sessions will be unnecessary meaning that they will be at least half an hour on a good day but no more than an hour on a bad day. But you can have as long as you need. Her words not mine."

"Four hours? What could I possibly talk about for four hours straight?"

He turned in his seat to face me better but I turned my head away and crossed my arms.

"I'm not saying that every session will be four hours but the option is there. Look, she was expecting us at 4:00 and it's now ten past so we better get going."

Before he let me say anything he was already opening my side of the car. As he did, I could see in his eyes that I was emotionally draining him with my complaining. Having someone who cares for me as much as Damon does is a blessing just as much as a curse.

"Miss Gilbert, Clara Benson will now see you in room 4."

We had been waiting for no more than two minutes before the stern receptionist called out my name. She barely finished her sentence before I started shaking.

"Damon I can't do this. Look, just my damn name is scaring me."

He held my hands between his own in an effort to comfort me and planted soft kisses on my temple.

"Yes you can, and depending on how well this goes, I have a little surprise waiting for you at home."

His intention was clear as day. Sex. After my 'episode' on Saturday, all we ended up doing for the rest of the weekend was watching movies, talking and cuddling. It was perfect. He made me forget about the worst night of my life without even trying. Now all those memories came flooding back with what was suppose to be a comforting offer. I'm now more riled up than I was before.

All I could do was mumble in response.

"Oh. Um, sure. Okay."

"Elena, I'm going to be with you the whole time. Remember that."

Maybe that's what's scaring me so much; the thought of having Damon in the same room where I essentially admit my sins to someone I barely know. Where I tell 'Clara' about those agonising nights I spent crying and longing for my parents to come home to me. Where I tell her about Tyler.

"Come on darling, you're gonna be fine."

"No. I'm sorry Damon I can't do this. Not today."

I abruptly stood up and walked out the clinic. I could make out Damon calling after me and asking where I was going. Voices of reality and the past were merging together and I couldn't divide them. My vision blurred and I felt dizzy. Before I could make out what was happening to me, everything went black.

The same cold breeze hits the back of my legs followed by hands reaching around my waist.

 _"Tyler what're you doing in here? I'm trying to shower, get out."_

 _"Elena I know you want this. I'm not going to stop until I get what I want."_

 _I swear to god Tyler get the fuck out of here."_

 _"Tyler stop it!"_

 _"Elena stop moving."_

 _"No stop it, Tyler it hurts stop."_

 _"Elena don't tell me you don't want this. I can tell you're desperate for it you dirty slut"_

 _Tears form in my eyes as I'm met with the reality of what is happening. He grabs my arm and drags me out the bathroom ._

 _"Come on, I'm not finished yet"_

 _I scream at him;_

 _"TYLER LET GO OF ME NOW."_

 _He shouts louder at me;_

 _"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP MOVING."_

 _Both of us are still dripping wet. I'm pushed down on my back and Tyler eagerly climbs on top of me. He thrusts inside of me and I yell out in pain, tears drench my face. His short temper and angry outbursts reduce me to silence as I let him have his way with me. The only sounds Im able to make are quiet whimpers._

My eyes shoot open with a loud gasp.


	5. AN: new chapters schedule

Hiya!

Quick update on the story:

Because I have a very clear idea of where I want my storyline and characters to end up, writing a new chapter is a fairly simple and straighforward task so I've decided to update a new chapter every Tuesday!

This way I can look forward to something as well as you, reader, and the pressure of putting a new chapter out ASAP will be (hopefully) eliminated or at least toned down.

Thanks for keeping with me!!

-DD


	6. Chapter 4: Im Sorry

"Elena, baby what's wrong?"

Damon

My eyes adjust to the dark room and I look around, taking in my surroundings.

 _King size bed, blood red sheets draping over it._

"Come on baby talk to me."

It takes me a minute to recognise where I am but a wave of relief washes over me when I do.

I'm sat up now, sitting with my legs loosely crossed and wearing Damon's sleep set I had worn on Saturday. My body covered by a black blanket. Damon himself was sat next to my legs but is now wrapping his arms around my shoulders and moving to sit behind me. I lay my head on his chest and fall back into a deep slumber, listening to the sound of his heart beat.

A bright light shone in through the large glass window next to his bed. My eyes flutter open to see Damon still asleep next to me, his chest raising and dropping in a comforting rhythm. I twist onto my side and prop my head on my arm while resting on my elbow to stare at his features in this rare still moment. I reached up to push a rogue strand of raven black hair from his face but just as I twisted it around my finger, his right eye opened slowly and looked right at me, a sly smirk appeared on his perfect face.

"Morning."

He spoke with such arrogance, I couldn't help but crack a smile.

I retracted my hand from his face and pulled back the blanket so I could get dressed. I made my side of the bed while talking to him.

"So how long have you been awake?"

He opened both eyes and stared up at me before closing them again and replying after much hesitation.

"That's a bit of a trick question actually because I was never actually asleep to begin with."

He opened his eyes and sat up against the headboard. Things escalated quickly after that.

"Do you really think I was going to let my guard down after the hectic few days you've had?"

"Yeah, I remember Atla-"

The events that took place less than 48hrs ago hit me at 100 miles. At this, my eyes widened in disbelief and my hands flew up to cover my 'O'-shaped mouth.

"Oh my god, what the hell happened in Atlanta? I mean, at first I was a bit anxious, obviously, but then the panic set in when I got called up and I panicked even more but I tried to leave and then-"

 _Tyler_

Memories littered my vision until unconsciously threw my hands up to hold the side of my head. A panic attack stirred inside of me and tears prickled my waterline, threatening to spill over.

I collapsed to my knees next to the bed, screams fighting to be freed. A voice called out to me but it seemed miles away.

"Breathe. That's it, in and out. You're doing great baby, keep going."

Damon knelt down behind me and took my hands away from my head and firmly wrapped my arms around my waist using his own.

 _In_

 _Out_

 _In_

 _Out_

A full blown panic attack made my blood course through my body, my heart race and I was hyperventilating violently. From past experiences, I knew what was soon to follow; screaming, crying and the uncontrollable urge to bleed myself dry with the sharpest thing I could find.

But this was far from other times, I wasn't alone, I wasn't at home, sat in the dark and I didn't have to stifle my cries incase my neighbours heard.

involuntarily, heaving sobs followed by a series of loud cries spilled from my trembling lips.

Damon was quick to pull me into his warm embrace and stroked my hair in an attempt to calm me. Tears streamed down my face while I cried loudly into his shirt. Without warning, I jumped up, pushing Damon away from me while he followed along and backed away, his hands up in surrender. I screamed out in frustration;

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL HELPING ME? CLEARLY IM A PSYCHOTIC MESS THAT THE WORLD NEEDS TO BE RID OF. MY LITTLE BROTHER IS IN COLLEGE FOUR STATES OVER IN OKLAHOMA DOING AMAZING WITHOUT ME AND IM BARELY KEEPING IT TOGETHER HERE, IN MYSTIC FALLS"

My sudden rant caught Damon by surprise as he stood and watched me, wide eyed. He said nothing for a few moments while I caught my breath.

"Are you done yet?"

His blunt question sparked rage inside of me and I charged. All I could see was red as I swung my arms around with as much force as I could muster, hoping to hit him. I pounded his chest with weak fists, Damon didn't flinch at all. His void reaction only adding to my anger. He let me go on for what felt like hours until I collapsed on the floor in a hot, tired mess. I wiped beads of sweat from my hairline and thick tears fell from my eyes. I didn't even need to look up at him to know he was staring down at me. I could feel his stare baring into the top of my head. He repeats his question a second time, expecting an answer, with a more stern tone than before, enunciating every word.

"Are you done yet?"

I work up the courage to look up at him.

 _Big mistake._

He stands there, flawlessly unfazed by my violent actions with his hands resting in his pockets. Staring down at me with those crystal blue orbs of his. I crack under his intimidating glare and start crying again. He speaks up, no emotion present;

"Stop crying Elena."

I close my eyes, hold my breath and count to ten, hoping to stop the tears that tip over the edge of my eyes. I mumble quietly.

"I'm sorry."

That's all I manage to say through the thick tension. I'm not even sure he heard me, even as a vampire. But before I get the chance to say it again he speaks in the same emotionless tone;

"I'm going to get something to eat. I'll be back soon."

I know what that means.

 _'Something to eat'._

He needs to feed.

But before I can reply, a breeze hits me and he's gone before I even look up to acknowledge his absence.

I scream out in sadness and frustration.

 _I'm sorry._


	7. Chapted 5: I Missed You

I had been alone in the dark boarding house for exactly 4hours and 26minutes. I spent 2 of those hours crying on the floor of Damon's master bedroom. I kept thinking that maybe if I cried loud enough he would hear me and come home, but he never showed. After the first hour, I stopped crying so loudly but I couldn't help the tears and quiet sobs, they lasted for another hour. After I eventually stopped crying altogether, I made my way downstairs to sit at the kitchen table with a small glass of water, refilling it every now and again.

I ordered a Chinese after sitting in silence for a half hour. I wasn't too hungry, but I just wanted to hear something else besides my own breathing. My Chinese food took another half an hour to arrive but my heart jumped when the bell rang. I ran to the door, hoping it was Damon. My stomach sunk when I saw the delivery woman, reminding myself that if it was Damon, he wouldn't knock. Hell, he doesn't even knock at my flat.

I finished my dinner and spent the next hour sitting in the dark.

It was 6:44pm when the front door opened and closed quietly. Too quietly. At first I thought it was my imagination but then _he_ walked through to the kitchen and slowly sunk down into the seat across from me. It took me a full minute to process his return. But here he was, nearly four and a half hours later. I was raging inside. We sat in silence for no more than 15 minutes, but _I_ was alone, in the dark for four and a half hours, I couldn't take the silence anymore so I started to talk. I spoke slowly through gritted teeth and enunciated every word carefully;

"Where. The Fuck. Did You Go?"

He spat back a response with an equal amount of venom,

"How delusional must you be to even _consider_ asking me that?"

His snide comment took me by surprise, but I stood my ground.

"Guess I'm pretty fucking delusional, then?"

His palms flew down on the table with a loud bang and he pushed himself out of his chair. Clearly four hours wasn't enough to calm him down. He shouted loud and clear;

"Don't start on me now, Elena. Not tonight."

I mimicked his actions and pushed myself up quickly.

"No. I want to talk. Where did you go?"

He took an exasperated sigh and stared directly into my eyes.

"I drove down to Atlanta to talk to Clara, you know, the therapist you were _suppose_ to see?"

He dropped his head and I could tell that what he was about to tell me, he wasn't planning on doing so. There was a very noticeable change to his voice, almost cracking.

"Elena, I spent weeks interviewing her, making sure she was the right person for you. Do you not appreciate the lengths I go to? And for what, for you to just throw it away like it's nothing?"

I stand, unsure of where he is going with this or what to say in response. I open my mouth to speak but he starts again.

"I know you might think that I don't notice but I promise you, I do. It's been very difficult to make you happy lately, I mean you've never been an easy person to make smile but lately it's been more challenging than ever. And I thought that, maybe, it had to do with some things that you might not feel comfortable talking to me about. So I had a deeper look into the therapy thing and I decided to help you. And I know you're going to say that I shouldn't have took your decision away but I knew you would've turned it down so I took matters into my own hands."

He made is way around the table to hold my hands in his own.

"Now, you can say what you need to say but I will never stop helping you. _Ever_."

My mouth hung open and my eyes shimmered with tears that threatened to fall.

"Damon, I-"

Before I could start talking my stomach convulsed a first time, then a second. My hands flew up to cover my mouth as my stomach tightened a third time. I ran over to the sink and threw my head forwards. Damon was at my tail and spoke in a soothing tone while he held my hair back for me.

"Oh baby, what did you eat? You know what, tell me later. Just concentrate of getting all that crap out of you. My god Elena, you really ate something bad didn't you?"

I spoke painfully between hurls.

"I appreciate you helping me but I don't think commentary is gonna be all that helpful thanks."

My voice was croaky and my throat burned as the remains of my dinner came up in several trips. I kept going until my mouth dried out from empty heaves.

I wiped my mouth with the wash cloth on the side and sunk down to sit with my back against the cabinet door under the sink. Damon ran the tap to clear away all the excess sick and grabbed my glass from the table to fill it up for me. He crouched down to give me the water and rubbed my shoulders.

"What did you eat, Elena?"

"Just Chinese. The same place we order from every weekend. I ordered the same thing I always do too."

He nodded his head and stroked my brown locks softly, my head moulded into his hand and I closed my eyes.

"I'm going to go run you a hot bath. Do you want me to come back down for you or take you up with me?"

"I can still walk you know? Besides, I'm all gross and sick-y."

"You're beautiful."

I blushed hard and I had to turn away to prevent him from seeing my red cheeks.

He took the glass from me and stretched out his arm to place it in the now-clean sink. He took my hands and wrapped them around his neck. I held onto him while he slipped his hand under both my legs and effortlessly picked me up into his strong, comforting embrace.

 _I'm finally home and he's back to his old self. Going out of his way to help me. God, why did I have to scream at him? I made his life a living hell._

I snuggled up into his chest and let out a quite, satisfied moan. I felt his laugh in his chest and it made me smile.

 _Fuck, I missed you_

"I missed you too."

My eyes shot open and I stared up at him.

"Did I say that out-loud?"

He smiled down at me again and shook his head.

"No, but I can get into your head remember?"

"I'm too tired for a vampire-abilities lesson. You can teach me tomorrow. I promise."

"Too tired? It's only just gone 7."

"Well not tired, just worn out."

He rolled his eyes and let out a happy laugh, another thing I missed about him. He pushed his bedroom door open with his back and placed me down on his tidy bed. I made it properly when he left. He chuckled when he saw it, knowing full well how much I hate getting into an unmade bed. I hesitated when he put me down, instantly missing the familiar contact. Damon walked over to the bathroom and started running the bath. My eyes were droopy and I yawned frequently. What seemed like an instant was 15 minutes and soon Damon was back to undress me.

"Come on, let's get you undressed. Unless you want to go in with your clothes on, which I don't recommend."

"Mmm, of course not, Salvatore."

I lay limp on the bed while I let him take off my clothes carefully. Then he asked me a question which caught me by surprise.

"Do you want me to come in with you?"

I thought about his suggestion on Saturday, about getting used to being indecent around him. I had to get away from my past somehow, maybe this is the start.

"That would be amazing, Damon." I replied with a warm smile.

A soft dressing gown covered my bare body and I was picked up and carried to the bathroom. My legs fell gracefully to the ground and I took a deep breath before untying the gown and letting it drop to the floor by my feet. Chocolate brown hair hid my shoulders before Damon scooped it from my neck and began to plait it.

"Since when did you learn how to plait?" I asked softly.

"Since always."

The bobble held my hair behind my ears and his hands barely grazed the skin on my arms before making their way to my hands and guiding me into the bath. The temperature was perfect and I sunk in, letting my body become submerged in the hot, soapy water. Vanilla scented candles covered every surface in sight, engulfing the suite in a soft, romantic glow. I took in my surroundings, appreciating the effort Damon goes through- all for me. His soft voice suddenly filled my ears.

"Sit up then, baby."

The water shifted as a now-naked Damon slid in behind me, letting me lean back onto his bare chest. He rubbed my arms and playfully tangled my fingers into his own. I wished this moment would last forever until he said something that made my heart stop. He sat up and spoke quietly.

"There's somebody here."

His hearing was always at his strongest when we were alone, in times such as this.

He heard the panic in the elevation of my breathing and was quick to reassure me.

"Shh, don't worry, Elena. I won't let anyone hurt you."

It amazed me how such a simple sentence could send me back to Cloud 9, yet somehow he managed it. Every time.

"Stay here. Don't move and if _anybody_ comes in here, scream as loud as you can."

I answered with a shaky voice, trying to sound as confident as I could but failing miserably.

"Okay."

He got up and left the bath, quickly wrapping a towel low around his waist. In a compulsive move, I reached out and grabbed his arm tightly. His head snapped back at me and he kissed my forehead.

"Stay here."

I nodded my head and anxiously watched him walk further away from me. He turned the corner cautiously before returning almost immediately after.

"They're in here."

I was quick to reply to his confusing statement.

"What? What do you mean 'in here?' Damon?"

His confused face expression worried me and he slowly walked back to the tub and crouched down next to it. To my surprise, he placed his hand delicately on my flat stomach and listened intensely. His eyes dropped to the floor and he let out a sigh I didn't realise he was holding. A hurt expression plastered his features then he looked up and stared into my eyes for the longest moment of my life. He spoke in a calm voice;

"Elena, is there anything you'd like to tell me?"


	8. Chapter 6: This Is It

_Elena, is there anything you'd like to tell me?_

His voice echoed in my head like a scream in a cave. It felt like a punch to the gut rather than a question. My vision was going blurred by the oncoming tears and my stomach twisted in tight knots, making it nearly impossible to breathe. Quickly, I hopped out the bath, wrapped the robe around my dripping body and lunged towards to toilet.

My stomach tightened, causing me to hug myself in agony. Dry heaves come and go every so often until I'm left exhausted. I lowered the seat and sat down slowly.

While sitting hunched over my knees, I glance over my shoulder to see Damon, still crouched next to the bathtub. His arms resting on the sides and staring into the water.

Without turning away he speaks in an emotionless tone. Sadness leaking from his words.

"I'm not mad Elena, just tell me."

I close my eyes, feeling the tears fall down my cheeks. I manage to give him a quiet response, too quiet.

"I don't want to talk about it, Damon."

He shakes his head in annoyance and stands up, walking angrily towards me. Damon crouches down in front of me and places his hands on my thighs.

"Elena. You can keep quiet about the scars on your arm because me finding out was ultimately inevitable but this. No. You don't have a choice. I will use compulsion if I have to, okay? Don't think that I won't."

I placed my hands on his and wrapped my fingers around his palms. He wasn't bluffing, I knew that he would compel me if I didn't talk. I thought long and hard about my response.

 _This is it. This is the day that I face my demons. He deserves to know._

I let out an exasperated sigh before replying.

"Let me get dressed, meet me in the living room-"

I hesitated before continuing.

"And I will tell you what happened."

He gave me a comforting smile and spoke again with reassuring words.

"I promise that whatever you tell me, I will support you and love you unconditionally. Nothing you say will ever make me change the way I feel about you."

I managed to sneak a smile out of the corner of my mouth.

"I'll see you shortly."

Damon was sat on the sofa in the living room, leaning over his knees with his hands tangled together. I recognised his emotion in this state. Anxious. Scared.

I walked down the stairs wearing one of his grey jumpers with a pair of black yoga pants. He stood up abruptly as soon as I stepped off the bottom step. He looked nervous and unsettled. He handed me a hot mug.

"I made you a cup of tea; milk and three sugar, just how you like it."

The mug was hot in my hands and I sat down on the sofa, Damon sat down across from me. I took a big intake and blew out from my nose, never looking him in the eyes.

"I don't know how to start this."

My voice was barely louder than a whisper.

"It's okay, just start where you feel comfortable."

"Damon, I don't feel comfortable starting at all. "

I thought about continuing.

"It was one of the worst nights of my life."

He sat up, wide-eyed and stared at me from across the room. His reaction was the exact reason why I kept it a secret.

"It wasn't consensual?"

The devastation in his voice made it unbearable to even look at him.

But I sat up, fixed my posture and answered him.

"No. It was not consensual."

Damon leapt up from the sofa and rushed to be by my side. The mug slid loose but he was quick to catch it and place it on the table in the centre of the room. I fell slack into his arms and let him cuddle me, rocking me slowly back and forth.

"Elena, I was convinced that you cheated on me. I made myself believe that I wasn't enough for you so you left me for someone else, I asked you why, thinking about all the reasons you could have for not wanting to be with me anymore. I believed that I was failing you."

A sob escaped my lips as I listened to his confession.

"Damon, I could never hurt you like that. I couldn't imagine myself ever being unfaithful to you because you mean everything to me."

We sat on the sofa for a while in silence but it was a comfortable silence, wrapped in each other's arms. Damon was the first to break the silence.

"Baby, I need to know what happened. If not today then tomorrow. You can tell me however you'd like, too. I could go upstairs and listen to you saying it out loud or you could write it down. Or if you're feeling extra strong about this, you could even let me into your head and you could show me that way. But I have to know what happened so I can help you recover from this."

His determination to help me left me speechless.

"You've given me so many options and I appreciate them all but in order for me to come to terms with it, saying it out loud, to your face, will hopefully benefit me the most."

"Okay. You don't have to tell me today, you want to wait until tomorrow?"

"No, I want to do it now."

"whenever you're ready, baby."

I pushed myself out of Damon's embrace and sat up properly. I positioned myself so I was sat facing him, my legs crossed and my hands in my lap twisting themselves together anxiously. I took a breath in and closed my eyes. When I opened them, I saw Damon sat watching me intensely, waiting for me to start.

 _This is it. This is the start of my recovery._

"It was October 10th. The evening of Caroline's 21st birthday and she had called to invite me to her party. She'd booked The Grille because she joined nearly all the clubs on campus so she wanted a place where everyone could get drunk."

I smiled at the distant memory.

"I had just finished picking out my outfit with the corresponding shoes and makeup I was going to wear and was ready to hop in the shower when the intercom buzzed. But before I had a chance to answer it, someone must've been leaving and they caught the door before it closed. I didn't know this so when the person at the intercom didn't answer I just assumed they left I undressed and turned on the shower when someone knocked at my door. I threw on a robe and went to answer it, thinking that maybe it was Bonnie needing help with an outfit or something, but to my surprise, Tyler

Lockwood was stood where Bonnie should've been."

A tear rolled down my cheek as I remembered his sickly smile.

"The thing that surprised me most about Tyler's unexpected visit was that I hadn't seen or heard from him for nearly four months. See, he figured that the best way to break up with me was to fuck some other girl and skip town with her. Leaving me to find out via Caroline who actually heard it from the girl he was fucking. Her name being Rebekah Mikaelson. You can imagine how angry I was when he just turned up with that smug smile on his face."

My mood changed from sad to angry in seconds but I carried on.

" _My_ initial thought was that 'he's here to patch things up because he's finally noticed what a slut Rebekah is'. Turns out _his_ initial thought was to pick up some old CDs and clothes that he left. I told him that I put everything he left up in storage and that I would get them after my shower. I told him to wait in my bedroom while I was getting showered. I took a shirt and some leggings into the bathroom so I could change into them and get Tyler his box of crap before getting ready for Caroline's party."

I stopped to gather my thoughts, knowing full well what part was coming up next.

 _You've come this far, don't give up now._

"But as I was in the shower, I guess I forgot to lock to door because the next thing I knew Tyler was stood completely naked behind me.

I was surprised to say the least but mostly angry. Then things escalated very quickly. He pushed me into the wall and started to touch me everywhere. He licked my neck and grabbed at every inch of my skin like an animal. Maybe if it was four days rather than months and he wasn't fucking some whore and he told me why he left, maybe I would've been more willing to fuck him in the shower. But it _wasn't_ four days, he _was_ fucking some whore and he _didn't_ tell me. His attack caught me by surprise and he was violent and aggressive. His sudden actions absolutely petrified me."

My throat became increasingly dry and Damon reached out to hold my hands.

"Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, he shut off the shower and dragged me out of the bathroom by my arm. I was thrown into the bed and he forced himself into me. I screamed at him to stop but he kept going until all the sounds I could make were stifled whimpers."

I shut my eyes. Watching the whole scene play out in my mind as I spoke;

 _A cold breeze hits the back of my legs followed by hands reaching around my waist._

 _"Tyler? What're you doing in here? I'm trying to shower, get out."_

 _"Elena I know you want this. I'm not going to stop until I get what I want."_

 _"I swear to god Tyler get the fuck out of here."_

 _"Tyler stop it!"_

 _"Elena stop moving."_

 _"No stop it, Tyler it hurts stop."_

 _"Elena don't tell me you don't want this. I can tell you're desperate for it you dirty slut"_

 _Tears form in my eyes as I'm met with the reality of what is happening. He grabs my arm and drags me out the bathroom ._

 _"Come on, I'm not finished yet"_

 _I scream at him;_

 _"TYLER LET GO OF ME NOW."_

 _He shouts louder at me;_

 _"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP MOVING."_

 _Both of us are still dripping wet. I'm pushed down on my back and Tyler eagerly climbs on top of me. He thrusts inside of me and I yell out in pain, tears drench my face. His short temper and angry outbursts reduce me to silence as I let him have his way with me. The only sounds Im able to make are quiet whimpers._

I open my eyes to see Damon sitting across from me, tears slowly making their way down his cheeks. I sob loudly and jump into his embrace. I wrap my arms around his neck and cry loudly into his shoulder. He held me tightly, stroking my hair and shushing me every time I sobbed. He lay back against the pillows, letting me rest my body on his but never letting me go.

My face was hot and red by the time I finished crying, but I wasn't finished telling Damon what happened.

"I still went to Caroline's party though. I thought it would get my mind off of things, maybe calm me down a little. And it was going better than expected, considering the circumstances, until Tyler walked through the door. Luckily I saw him before he saw me so I went to find Caroline and told her that I wasn't feeling well. She was so drunk that I'm pretty sure she didn't even notice me talking to her.

When I got back to my flat, I was in agony, both mentally and physically.

I just remember sitting on the floor and crying for hours. And when I thought I calmed myself I remembered... I remembered that he didn't use a condom and I stopped using the pill after he left, we weren't dating yet either. The whole night was just too much for me to handle. I went to the bathroom to clean myself up when I noticed the shards of glass scattered on the floor. When Tyler was dragging me out of the bathroom I must've knocked over the mirror. In a moment of weakness, I took a piece of glass, wrapped it in my shirt that I left and 'fixed' my mood, one way or another. That was the very first time I did that."

Damon hugged me tighter and rubbed my arms.

"Oh baby, please tell me you didn't."

I looked up stared into his eyes.

"Why do you think I started cutting in the first place?"

He let out a heavy sigh and kissed my forehead.

"I am going to get you the best therapy and the best treatment that money can buy. We will handle the baby situation and I will do everything I can to make it as easy as possible."

"Thank you Damon. And I just want you to know that you mean the whole world to me and I can't imagine what my life would be without you."

"I love you, Elena."

"I love you too."

He picked me up so I wrapped my arms and legs around him like a child and carried me upstairs while I cuddled into his chest and closed my eyes. Damon left my clothes on but covered me up nicely in the thick silk covers. A small kiss was placed on my forehead.

"I'll wake you up in few hours for dinner."

I nodded subtly in response, falling asleep before the bedroom door shut to.


	9. Chapter 7: How Long?

A scent of perfectly cooked bacon and eggs woke me up and greeted me with much anticipation. I turned my head to glance at the clock that sat on the nightstand and smiled when I saw the time, 8:34am. This was the work of Damon Salvatore waking me up in his own creative way. I noticed that I was wearing the same clothes I had worn the night before and decided to change the sweatshirt and legging for something a little fresher. I opted for a cleaner sweatshirt from Damon's growing collection matched with a pair of cotton pyjama pants. I slid on some thick wool socks to prevent my feet from going cold and joyfully made my way to the source of the delicious smell.

I entered the kitchen to see Damon stood over the hob with a frying pan in his right hand and a wooden spatula in the other, a kitchen towel was thrown over his shoulder and he effortlessly flipped the eggs. An old radio sat on the counter, softly playing a familiar tune- Calvin Harris, 'Feel So Close' and Damon was humming along to the rhythm. I tiptoed across the floor as quietly as I could, making sure not to disturb him from his happy trance, and made my way to the table, ready for my breakfast to be served.

I rested my chin on my crossed hands and admired him from a distance. He turned around to plate up his eggs when he saw me. A wide, genuinely happy smile spread across his face and it lit me up inside.

"Morning beautiful. Did you sleep okay?"

It took me a moment to register his voice and quickly snapped out of my daydream.

"Oh, yeah yeah. Um, you said you were going to wake me up for dinner?"

He let out a chuckle which made my heart stop in my chest. _God I love this man_

"You don't think I did? I came up twice to wake you up and I mean you _did_ wake up-eventually- but you didn't stay awake for too long. I came back up a third time but you looked so comfortable that I just watched you sleep for a little while before climbing in with you and falling asleep myself."

He placed the pan and spatula in the sink before carrying both plates full of food over to the table, placing one down in front of me and the other on the place mat next to me. Before sitting down, he took some leaflets from the island in the middle. He hid them from me and began to speak again.

"Now, I'm going to show you some things and it would be a whole lot easier if you had an open mind when you read them. Do you think you can do that for me?"

I gave him a skeptical look before slowly answering.

"Oh-kay."

"I did some very deep extensive research last night after you fell asleep-"

I could see exactly where this was going and stepped in to interfere before he continued anymore. I stood up and held my hands up in surrender.

"Damon, I've been awake for less than 20 minutes, you cannot spring this on me now. Not this early, please."

He turned away looking ashamed, a sadness in his eyes. He mumbled something;

"So much for the open mind."

He turned his head towards me, a sexy smirk curling up at the corner of his lips. I dropped my hands by my sides and let out a heavy sigh. Sitting back down again, I held onto his hands tightly.

"Baby, I will look at the leaflets later, okay? I just want to have a nice breakfast with you without having to discuss any of it."

I chucked to relieve some of the building tension and he laughed with me.

"Okay, I'm sorry. Just know that the longer you put it off, the less time we have to talk about your options."

I took my hands out of his and played with them in my lap while staring at them.

"Trust me, I know. I've thought about this a million times since it happened but I didn't know what to do so I left it."

"You have me now, Elena. Come on, your breakfast is gonna be going cold."

He reached over the table with his fork and stole a piece of bacon from my plate and popped it into his mouth.

"Hey! The bacons the best part!"

He continued chewing while grinning at me from across the table. I stole of piece of his cut up egg in return. I mirrored his grin back at him before he spoke.

"Fine. Now we're even."

Damon finished eating before me but waited patiently while I finished the last of my egg. He was quick to take both plates and cutlery away before placing them in the sink and washing up.

"Do you want a drink?"

Even when he's busy, Damon will always stop what he's doing to help me. I wasn't letting him win this time.

"No thanks, I'll get a glass of something later."

I discretely grabbed a glass from the cupboard and reached around him to get some water. Before he said anything, I read his mind.

"Just because I'm _unfortunately_ pregnant, doesn't mean I'm incapable of doing anything. Getting a drink won't harm either one of us and it saves you from running after me all the time."

I rested against the counter next to the sink and watched him finish washing up. He dried his hands, took my empty glass from me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"If there is even the smallest possibility of me making anything even the tiniest bit easier for you, then I will always go out of my way to make it happen. I thought you would've figured that out by now."

"It's unnecessary. Why multitask if we can split up the tasks and do everything quicker?"

"That should be your new motto, you know. 'Why multitask if we can split up the tasks'."

"Mmm, you think so?"

He nodded and mumbled in response before leaning in for a deep kiss. I let it go on for a moment before breaking away to ask him a question that I was dying to know the answer to;

"So, how long would you say I have before I have to make a decision?"

Damon spun me around so I was leaning my back against his chest and he carefully lifted up my sweatshirt to lay his hands on my exposed belly. His chin rested on my shoulder while he listened intently at the movement of my unborn child. We stood motionless for at least 3 minutes before I broke the silence.

"Well? Damon how long do I have before I need to make a permanent decision?"

"Shh, just give me another minute."

Then it hit me. He can't hear anything. Even with his impeccable senses, he can't hear any movement in my stomach.

"Oh my god. Damon tell me you can hear something."

The worry in my voice caught him off guard. He held his chin up and moved his hands away from my stomach to hold onto my hands.

"Wait, Elena. This baby was the result of a horrific act forced on you, against your will."

He turned me around so he could look directly into my eyes.

"Are you telling me that you want to keep it?"

The purpose of his question hit me. Hard. I suddenly remembered that this is not Damon's baby. This baby shares no connection with Damon. This was _Tyler's_ doing. This is what _Tyler_ did to _me_. The consequences of his selfish actions and my decisions will loom over me for the rest of my life.

"What... No, I just... Damon, I don't... I..."

I quickly pulled away from his grasp, the first tear making its way down my cheek.

"Elena, shh. It's okay, I just didn't think you knew what you wanted yet. "

He held out his hands for me to take them, I stared at them before reaching out to hold them.

"You have, at most 2, 3 weeks to make your final decision."

My eyes widened at the deadline.

"That's only a month, just under."

The realisation that I had so little time only occurred to me now. Soon, I began to hyperventilate, my heart hammered in my chest and I was having difficulty breathing. Damon was quick to catch me as I collapsed into his hold. He positioned us so he was leaning on the island in the middle and I was leaning on him for support. He had his left arm reaching across my chest and he soothingly rubbed my right arm. Both of my hands were reaching around his arm firmly as his right hand stroked my hair in an attempt to calm me down.

We stayed like this, holding onto each other for half an hour, saying nothing but relishing in the comfortable silence that surrounded us. I was the first to talk.

"I should've told you sooner. I should've told you as soon as it happened Damon. I would have another month to decide and I wouldn't have to rush about and worry if I made the right decision. Damon, you are my best friend, you were even before we started dating and I should've told you, regardless of our relationship status. I needed someone to talk to but I refused to let anyone in. I panicked."

He kissed my temple and gave an honest reply.

"I won't lie to you Elena, telling me sooner would somewhat ease the tension of the situation. There's just going to be a lot more pressure on you to make a decision now than if you had spoken out sooner."

I sat up and brushed my hands through my hair.

"I'm mad at myself Damon."

"Why? There's nothing you could've done to prevent this."

"All the signs leading to a pregnancy were blatantly obvious and right in front of me. Mood swings, low blood pressure that caused me to pass out when I left the clinic, even my period was late. Damon, my period is never late. Ever. I mean, come on, no condom or birth control. And I'm mad that I didn't see it."

"Don't beat yourself up, there's no way you could've known."

His sympathetic approach angered me and I raised my voice.

"The signs were all there Damon! I should have known."

I grabbed onto the counter and quickly pulled myself out of his strong hold, making my head feel light and my vision to go blurred. Damon's voice pulled me back to reality but it sounded harsh and cold. He stood up straight but stayed behind me.

"Elena, stop. Just... Stop."

I spun my body around so I was facing him.

"Be honest. Did you notice any, I don't know, weight gain or changes in my appetite at all? Anything at all?"

"Elena-"

"JUST ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION."

I screamed at him wanting an honest answer. My forceful command made him livid and he shouted a response back at me.

"YES. I DID NOTICE SOMETHING, ELENA. I NOTICED A LOT OF THINGS ACTUALLY, LIKE HOW YOUR MENTAL HEALTH HAS SLOWLY DETERIORATED THE LONGER YOU DECIDED TO KEEP THIS A SECRET. I NOTICED THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO BE INTIMATE WITH ME ANYMORE AND NOW I KNOW WHY. I NOTICED HOW MUCH PAIN YOU'RE IN BECAUSE OF IT AND HOW HARD YOU TRY TO HIDE IT. I NOTICE HOW MUCH OF AN EFFECT THIS IS HAVING ON YOUR SELF ESTEEM.

I MIGHT NOT UNDERSTAND WHY BUT I ALWAYS KNOW WHEN SOMETHINGS BOTHERING YOU ELENA, DON'T THINK THAT I'M OBLIVIOUS TO THE THINGS THAT MATTER."

He was heaving, his chest raising and dropping heavily while sweat beaded at his hairline. He fell to his knees and held onto my waist. While pressing his ear to the lower part of my stomach, he continued on much quieter than before.

"So don't ask me if I noticed any changes in your weight or appetite because I couldn't care less about any of that, unless it was negatively affecting you to the point of it threatening your safety. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you. It's hard enough watching you go through this by yourself. "

I could hear Damon trying to hold back sobs. My hands instinctively made their way to his hair and I massaged his head.

"I'm sorry baby. I'm so so sorry for yelling at you. I'm mad at myself not you, baby I promise I never meant to get mad like that."

My heart broke at his sincerity and I broke down in tears with him. I didn't want to stay in the kitchen anymore so I prompted for us to move elsewhere. I spoke nasally between sniffles

"I know baby. Why don't we go and sit down in the living room, or go upstairs for a little rest."

I knelt down in front of him and took his face in my hands. I wiped away some of the tears on his cheeks and smiled.

"And I am not going through this alone. This would all be a million times worse if I didn't have your ongoing support."

He smiled back at me and took my hands to help me up. Damon led me into the living room and told me to get comfortable on the sofa, he returned momentarily with a large blanket and draped it over my lap. I had my back leaning against the armrest and my legs stretched out in front of me.

I watched Damon walk over to the fire pit and light it almost instantly, the crackling sound filled the atmosphere with a homely feeling. The heat radiated and warmed us both.

Damon was crouched in front of the fire with one arm reaching up to balance himself on the mantelpiece. Once he made sure it was properly lit, he came back over to the couch. He lifted my legs up and sat down, replacing them on his lap. He stretched his arm around my waist and carefully pulled me into his chest. Gently, he caressed my thigh and rubbed it comfortingly.

I rested my head on his shoulder and held his arm between slim fingers.

We lay, listening to the sound of the fire for 15 minutes before I spoke out.

"Mmm, I could stay like this forever."

Just then, as if the universe was waiting for me to say those exact words, I felt a familiar sensation building up in my stomach. My hands threw the blanket off of my body and I stood up immediately. Quickly, I rushed to the kitchen again only the bring the breakfast back up and into the sink. Once again, Damon was on my tail and he draped the blanket over my shoulders. He gently squeezed my shoulders and shushed me every time I whimpered. For added support, he ran the tap so I didn't have to look at what I threw up, eliminating to possibility of me being sick because of the sight.

"It's been less than 24 hours since I found out I'm having a baby and I'm already sick of... being sick."

I crossed my arms on the edge of the sink and laid my head down. Groaning because of the oncoming headache, Damon's hands slowly made their way down to my waist and continued around to hug my stomach. He whispered in my ear.

"Maybe that's nature's way of telling you what to decide..."

I took in his comment before responding.

"I want to see what all of my options are before even considering my final decision. I will call up some clinics that _specialise_ , in these situations and get some consultations on the best route to take."

He sighed in distress.

"Elena, before you do any of that, there is actually something that they require of you before even giving you options. You need to decide whether or not you're going to keep the baby when or if you give birth to it. They can guide you from there."

I slowly lifted my head and peered over my shoulder into his general direction.

"I cant keep the baby. There is just no way I could love it, knowing how it came into existence, just no way."

He kissed the sensitive spot behind my ear and proceeded with his explanation.

"Okay, I completely respect your choice, but now we need to decide what to do with the baby. Do you want to abort the baby, put it up for adoption or, we could talk more and just make sure that you don't want to keep it. I would just hate for you to choose to abort the baby and find out that you actually wanted to keep it. I don't want you to make a decision and then regret it for the rest of your life."

I thought long and hard about the information and processed it accordingly before settling on an appropriate response.

"Let me have a look at those leaflets."


	10. Chapter 8: Discoveries

"I can't. I just can't continue. We've been at this for _four_ hours Damon. I'm tired and I'm done. It's too much and I still don't know what I want to do."

In front of me was a table completely covered in anything pregnancy related. I was sat on the couch in the living room, facing my laptop with tabs open on all the abortion and adoption facilities within a 50 mile radius of Mystic Falls. The table was littered with leaflets and paper with phone numbers and emails to different doctors and consultants from all around Atlanta. We had been discussing all aspects of all 3 of my options, weighing the pros and cons of each.

"Okay. Let's take a break. Do you want me to order takeout?"

Damon began piling the papers into 4 columns; abortion, adoption, keeping the baby and symptoms of pregnancy.

I fell back and covered my face with my hands, letting out an annoyed groan. My hands dropped to my sides and I sat up to push the table out.

"No, I think I'm just gonna go upstairs and run myself a bath."

As soon as I stood up, Damon lunged in front of me and held up his hands to stop me from moving anywhere. I stared at him with a confused look.

"Damon, what are you doing?"

"You have not eaten anything since-"

He looked at the clock on the wall then down at his watch.

"Nine forty five this morning"

I didn't move and continued to stare at him with the same look.

"Yeah so? That was only four hours ago. Im good for at least another two hours baby. Plenty of time for me to have a bath and order something later on."

He let out a long, deep sigh before running a hand through his hair.

"Yep, you know what, I'm just paranoid. Go have a bath and I will order you dinner in an hour and a half."

"Damon. I will eat when I'm hungry and I will drink when I'm thirsty. I don't need you running around after me. I'm perfectly capable of doing things myself."

He smiled at me, shook his head and chuckled.

"You're right. But tell me if you need anything, okay? Anything."

I reached over to close my laptop and began walking up the stairs before shouting back over my shoulder.

"A Lamborghini would be great!"

I watched him laugh at my response before clearing away the stack of papers as I continued up the stairs. After I made sure he was out of eyesight, quickly I ran to his bedroom before closing the door, running the bath to prevent him from eavesdropping and sitting down on the closed toilet seat. I opened my laptop again and clicked on my emails.

I hesitated before typing in the search bar.

"God, I cant believe I'm doing this."

I mumbled to myself before the results for 'Clara Benson' came up on the screen. I briefly read her reply out loud.

"Dear Elena - thanks for getting in touch - I send my deepest condolences for what you have been through - I have no doubt Damon is trying his absolute best to support you - I will always be willing to help - when would you like to arrange our next meet up."

I nodded along to Clara's reply with much appreciation. I eagerly clicked on the reply button and hovered my fingers above the keypad, unsure of what to say. I finally settled on a message and read it aloud once I finished typing it.

"Dear Clara, thank you for replying so quickly to my email. I have a lot of worries and concerns regarding the recent events that have dramatically changed my life and I would love to meet up for a chat to voice my concerns.

As for Damon, I have kept these emails from him for a number of reasons, none of which I deem them to be anything more than excuses but it's for his own benefit. I want to be able to do things without him worrying about me all the time. I won't lie, it's nice to have someone looking out for me but I have to draw a line and I'm drawing it here.

Because of how tight Damon's protection is at the moment, I think it will be best to continue our conversations over email, but if you can suggest a way for me to meet you in person without Damon finding out then I will be more than happy to try it. Don't worry, I won't be keeping these emails secret for long, just long enough for me to clear my head a little bit.

Thanks again, Elena Gilbert."

Just as I snap my head up to check on my bath, I see a dark figure leaning against the doorway to the bathroom, arms crossed casually. I quickly stand up, my laptop falling to the ground at I cover my mouth with my hands, trying to stifle the petrified gasp that unintentionally escapes my mouth. In the blink of an eye, Damon rushes over to catch my laptop and the shadowy figure disappears. The realisation hits me that it was Damon and I fall back down on the seat, trying to catch my breath.

"Your email skills are improving, so I hear."

I rub my temples and pray that a black hole opens up in the middle of the bathroom floor and saves me from the humiliation that Damon read the email.

"Damon please, please, please don't be mad. It was only the one email."

He places the laptop on the counter next to the sink and crouches down in front of me.

"Clara has forwarded every email you have sent her to me. I've read all of them since the very first you decided to send."

"Oh my god you knew? Why didn't you tell me? Ugh, Damon I'm so so sorry."

"It's fine, I'm not mad. But before you start apologising for not telling me, there's something that _I_ have been keeping from _you_. I will warn, it will freak you the fuck out and you will panic. A lot. Oh, and as for my protection, I'm very aware about how tight it is at the moment and I have a very good reason for that."

I gave him a skeptical look and nodded slowly.

"Now, I don't know how or when exactly, but Tyler Lockwood has found out that you are pregnant with his baby. He has been sending you threatening letter through the mail, but I've hidden them for your protection. You can tell me that I had no right hiding them from you but I also can't give them to you because I burned them. I did read them however and I know what he said. I can tell you that though, if you want."

I felt my jaw drop to the floor when he mentioned _his_ name.

"He knew? How the fuck did he find out? How did he know I was here? When did he even come close enough to the house to find out?"

Damon tried to answer as many questions as he could.

"I don't know how or when he found out, but I have a theory that maybe he was actually here the night when you woke up panicking. You thought that someone was on you and touching you. Right before I ran in, I swore that I saw someone jump out the window but I was too focused on calming you and by the time you stopped crying, I had forgot about it. I guess that's when he found out. The letters started right around then, too. Elena I'm so so sorry."

I felt the hot tears crawl down my cheeks and my mouth stayed open.

"But... why... why did it take you... another, week to hear anything?"

He took my hands in his own but I quickly pulled them away and stood up to leave.

"Because-"

He began to speak and I stopped to listen.

"Because, with him being a _supernatural_ father, he has a much stronger relationship with the baby than any human father. He most likely sensed another being with whom he shared genetics with. Although I share no genetics with the baby, my heightened senses enabled me to confirm your pregnancy before any side effects made it obvious."

I suddenly remembered the letters.

"What did they say? The letters, what did he write?"

I turned around to face him. I could tell he was physically and mentally drained.

"What do you think? He was trying to corrupt you into making a decision about how to handle the situation."

I wiped tears from my eyes.

"What decision does he want me to make?"

He looked straight into my eyes for a full 15 seconds before answering.

"He wants you to abort the baby. And if you haven't by January 10th then he is threatening to terminate the pregnancy himself."

I could see the pain in his eyes just from saying those words. Panic and fear rose inside of me.

"Wait. January 10th? That's like 3 weeks away Damon. Fuck, that's why it took you so long so determine how long I had. You were lining up Tyler's deadline to mine, weren't you?"

Damon was reluctant to answer so he stood and stared at me, begging me with his eyes not to make him continue. I knew the answer,

"I was so set on putting this baby up for adoption, so a devoted family could give him all the love he deserves."

Suddenly, my eyes went wide at a harrowing thought that entered my mind.

"Holy fuck Damon. Oh god, no no no no no no."

I grabbed my hair and continued swearing under my breath.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my _fucking_ god."

A concerned look plastered his face and he rushed over to find out what was bothering me.

"Elena, talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking."

He held my upper arms and my hands fell out of my hair to hang limply.

"He's a wolf. I'm a human. This baby is going to be half wolf half human. I cannot put this baby up for adoption, it will tear apart his family. Literally."

His response left me speechless.

"Then we will raise him as our own."

My head jolted up and I stared at him dumbfounded.

"Elena think about it it, it's impossible for us conceive. This might be our only chance to have a family of our own."

I found it hard to believe that he actually thought this. I couldn't form a coherent sentence and my mind went completely blank. I thought about everything, from the possibility of us raising the baby to aborting it and ending any and all chances of our own family. I eventually settled on a response in between.

"But it wouldn't even be _our_ family. It would be me raising my baby with the help of my boyfriend. Pretending that we are one happy family would just be too hard for me."

The sadness that overcame his heart filled me with regret.

"Baby, you know that I would love nothing more than to have a baby and start a family with you. But wouldn't it bother you that the baby isn't yours and I had no choice in the matter when it came to conceiving him? Would you honestly be able to love him like you would if he was your own baby?"

He took an exasperated sigh and pushed his hands through his hair before placing them on his hips.

"No. Knowing what happened to you, seeing it play out in my mind every time I looked at it, I could never give it the love it deserved."

I walked up to him, wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him long and hard. Resting my head in the crook of his neck, I spoke.

"Then it's settled. I will get an abortion and terminate the pregnancy. Making any possibility of us having a family void. I'm not even giving him a chance."

He rested his chin on my head and hugged my neck.

" _Tyler_ never gave you a chance."

He kissed my head and squeezed me tighter.

"You are doing this for you, not anybody else. _Especially not him._ This baby would have a long life of neglect and spend its whole life wondering why his birth parents didn't want him. You're saving this baby a life of pain and sadness."

"Then why do I feel so bad?"

I lifted my head to look up at him, desperate for an answer.

"Because, you are Elena Gilbert. You put everyone before yourself."

We stayed intertwined in each other's hold before he pulled away.

"I am going to go downstairs and call some places nearby that do abortion services. I want you to enjoy your bath."

"Yes. You should do that. Definitely."

"Is that okay?"

"Of course. And while you're doing that, I will call up the pizza takeout place."

"Sounds like a plan."


	11. Chapter 9: Another Love

9:

"So, Feminist Women's Health Centre. It's only an hour away and they do surgical or medical abortions. I've told them about you and just the unplanned pregnancy. I did mention that the baby is mine but if you wish to tell them otherwise, then you can."

This was the first piece of news I hear after walking into the kitchen again for the third time this evening. My hair was still damn from the bath but I was wearing the same things as before. A mug of hot tea was placed in front of me

"I don't have to be a feminist to qualify, do I?"

Damon joined me with his own cup of tea before sitting down at the table with me.

"I didn't actually have a chance to ask, but they didn't mention anything so I guess not. Speaking of, they are expecting you call them back within the next 2 days regarding a consultation. They just wanna ask you a couple of questions, see if you're eligible for a surgical abortion, if that's the path you choose to take."

I took a sip and let the taste linger in my mouth before swallowing.

"I will do some research today and ring them tomorrow."

He glanced at the clock on the oven and a smirk rose on his lips.

"Don't you mean this evening? It's just gone half past six."

I checked behind him at the same clock and groaned.

"God, how long was I in the bath for?"

"Just over two and a half hours."

I chuckled and shook my head.

"You know, I haven't been home in over a week. Eventually Im gonna have to go and check up on it, make sure no one has broken in."

He looked deep in thought after I spoke. I thought that maybe someone had already broken in and he was just finding the words to tell me. He looked up at me with serious eyes and spoke.

"Why don't you move in here."

I froze at his proposal, not knowing how to reply.

"Why not? You spend more than half of your time here anyway, it's closer to college and it's not like your brother is due to return home soon. There's nothing tying you to where you live now."

I turned away, my mind fighting with my heart.

"I don't know, Damon. I mean, it would be easier but I've only just paid it off, it's been a bit more than a month since I've legally lived there but I've spent most of that month here."

He took my face in his hands so I had to look at him.

"You moved out of your childhood home and into your own apartment the moment your brother left. I would understand you wanting to stay at home if your parents were still alive but, the thought of you being by yourself pains me Elena. Baby, please move in with me."

He wasn't lying. It would be a massive convenience, us living together.

"Well. It's not like you're going to let me go home soon anyway."

A wide smile beamed and lit up his face. He stood up and kissed me. It was a deep, sensual kiss, filled with passion and love. I knew he meant well.

After several moments, he broke away and admitted that he had been waiting to tell me for weeks.

"After you got accepted into Whitmore, you were always complaining that the commute was just that bit too far. I only just managed to convince you not to put your name down for an accommodation there. Only being able to see you during the holidays would put a major strain on us, lots of stressful conversations about me moving to you. Eventually I would've asked you to move in with me, but I didn't want it to seem like I just thought of it. It's been on my mind for a long time, since a few months after you started going to college."

"I thought about asking you too, but I didn't want to seem invasive or pushy. It's your home after all, so I had no right to ask if I could move in. I would've asked if you wanted to move in with me but my apartment is barely big enough for one, and now we are expe-."

My face dropped and I felt a sadness sweep over me in a matter of seconds.

"Never mind."

The atmosphere changed dramatically as a depressing silence lingered around us. I fighter with my fingers on the table. Damon reaches over the table and squeezes my hands on his.

"Hey, come on, talk to me."

I looked up, a tear falling down each eye, and whispered as quietly as I could.

"I wanna keep it."

I saw a glimmer of hope flash across his eyes, only for a second. He wants me keep the baby too.

"Do you want me to call the health centre? Maybe a talk with Clara might help now."

"If you call the health centre, I'll call Clara and arrange a meet up date."

He smiled at me, nodded and went to call the clinic in the living room. I could hear him talk to them and it made me feel sick.

"Hi, yes I called up about an hour ago regarding an appointment for a termination on my girlfriends pregnancy... Damon Salvatore... Well, actually I'm calling to cancel that appointment. We've been talking and have decided that we are actually going to need a little more time to make this decision... No, No. I don't think there's any need to reserve an appointment, if we do decide on an abortion, then you will be the first clinic we call... Okay, thank you, bye bye."

As soon as I heard him hang up I get through to Clara.

"Clara, Hi it's Elena... Im doing good thank you, how are you?.. Good, good... Actually yes, I'm wondering if you have any appointments available for the upcoming week?.. As early as you've got, please... Tomorrow?"

I look over at Damon to get a confirmation. He gives me a thumbs up and nods in agreement.

"Tomorrow works... yeah you too Clara, thank you... Bye bye."

I placed my phone down and stood up to get a glass of water. Damon followed me and placed his hands securely around my waist as I filled up my cup."

"You could've told me you wanted to keep it before now."

He placed kisses up and down my neck, occasionally nibbling on my ear lobe.

"No I couldn't. Not after the letters from Tyler. He is _hell bent_ on having this child aborted but I don't want to do things for his satisfaction. Not anymore."

He moved his hands up to my arms and used the, the turn me around, taking the cup out of my hands and placing it in the sink.

"Elena, listen to me. This is _your_ baby. Whatever you decide is _your_ decision, nobody else's. This being said, I am not going to try and infiltrate your decisions to get you to keep the baby for our sake. Just think of yourself and what _you_ want to do, okay?"

I nod and smile. Taking my hands out of Damon's hold, I rest them on my now protruding stomach and sigh.

"It won't be easy, I'm aware but I am willing to grab this head on. I want to keep the baby."

I get pulled into a tight warm hug and he rests his head on mine.

"I promise that I won't let anything happen to either one of you."

"ELENA COME ON WE ARE GONNA BE LATE."

Damon shouts out me to hurry up from the bottom of the stairs. I completely forgot about the appointment with Clara and I lost track of time when he reminded me half an hour ago.

"Coming!"

I grab my purse and phone before rushing to meet Damon outside. He left the house key on the table next to the door so I could lock up. I jump into the baby blue Camaro and he gives me a concerned look.

"What? Do I look okay? This shirts not too tight is it?!"

His face turns from concerned to fed up as soon as I spoke.

"Elena, you look beautiful as always. But you should not have run out like that."

My eyes went wide, my jaw hung open and I scoffed.

"Seriously? You told me to hurry up or else we would be late. You know what, I'm not getting into this."

He let out a loud laugh before pulling away from the boarding house. We drove for a while in comfortable silence before he approached the elephant in the room.

"You nervous?"

I looked at him and chuckled humourlessly.

"I'm fucking petrified Damon."

A hand reaches across the car and lands on my leg to rub it soothingly.

"You'll be fine, jus say what you feel."

My hands fly up in annoyance.

"I do that anyway."

"Good. Then you won't have any problem telling Clara what you feel."

I look across at him and he smiles while still concentrating on the road, watching me out of the corner of his eye.

"You'll be fine, darling."

I slid down in my seat and crossed my arms while staring out the window.

"Just re,ember that you emailed her to begin with and even called her to make an appointment."

I ignored his statement and huffed, not peeling my eyes from the moving scenery we drove past. We sat in silence for a few miles before Damon got out a CD from the glove compartment - the CD I made him for his birthday - and pushed it into the CD player.

"You remember making this for me? It was my, uh, my..."

"It was your birthday 4 years ago. Of course I remember."

I mumbled quietly to finish his sentence.

"Well then you'll remember putting my absolute favourite song on here."

Tom Odell's 'Another Love' started to play on the radio and I was immediately taken back to the night we kissed in the rain.

 _We stood, hand in hand, waiting for the meteor shower to soar across the starry night sky. A crack a thunder boomed around us and heavy rain drenched us from head to toe. Damon stares deep into my eyes, fascinated by their reaction to the sudden change in weather. An curious smirk curling up at the corner of his mouth._

 _"Come on, time to abandon ship."_

 _"No no, wait. Just give it a second, it'll clear off."_

 _We waited for the storm to pass but to no avail, it continued and only got heavier. I got so caught up in the moment and made him promise me something._

 _"Promise me this is forever."_

 _"I promise."_

 _Oh what a blissful night that turned out to be._

Our passionate lovemaking continued when we got home and all through the night and left us both utterly exhausted- but I would go back in time and do it all again in a heartbeat.

I must've dozed off because when I opened my eyes again, we were parking up outside a familiar building.

"Promise you won't run off this time?"

I playfully hit his shoulder and smirked at him.

"Funny."

As we began to make the short trek to the main entrance, Damon managed to wrap my arm around his and was warming my hand between his own.

We ironically sat down in the same seats and a wave of panic washed over me at the reminisce of what happened just a few days ago. Damon must've felt my hand shaking and he calmed me down with his soft velvety voice.

"You're okay. Just breathe. In through your mouth, out through your nose. That's it. You're doing fine baby."

I followed his instructions and it unsurprisingly calmed my nerves. I leaned my head on his shoulder and took a deep breath in. Moments later I heard my name get called and my heart stopped in my chest.

"Miss Gilbert, Clara Benson will now see you in room 4."

I scowl under my breath.

"Damon, did you hear her? She said the exact same thing as she did on Monday. She mocking me Damon. _She's mocking me._ "

He took my hand and led me to the door.

"Along with cravings and dangerous mood swings, I see paranoia is also a side effect of pregnancy."

I pursed my lips and huffed at him before standing up from my seat, ripping my hand out of his and speed walking ahead of him. I heard a snide comment from behind me.

"Thus proving my point exactly."

He laughed at my angry reaction and he soon caught up with me outside of room 4. His hands slid around my waist and he hugged me tightly. He knocked on the door twice and ushered me without waiting for a response. The first thing I notice is a tall blonde woman in her mid-50s sitting with her back towards to door. She immediately stood up and greeted me at the door, Damon pushed me in further and shuts it behind me. An outstretched hand reaches past Damon, now stood in front of me, and stays in front of me before I register her introduction and take it in my own.

"Hello Elena, it's wonderful to finally meet you. My name is Clara Benson and Damon-"

She glances at him.

"-has told me _a lot_ about you."


	12. Chapter 10: Letting It Out

I took her hand and let out a dry chuckle.

"It's nice to meet you too, Clara."

"Please, have a seat and we'll get started."

Clara pulled up a chair for Damon and he shifted it over to sit next to me. I crossed my legs and played with my hands anxiously, silently begging for someone else to speak up. Damon read my mind and began to speak while resting his hand on my quivering leg.

"Um, Elena has had a very rough couple of months. The whole Tyler situation, the self harm that followed. Not to mention, the unexpected pregnancy that came along with it. I could go into depths with it but this is not my session, I am just here for some moral support. But of course, I'll explain things if they get too hard."

I took deep breaths in and out, inhaling as much oxygen as I could regardless of how lightheaded it made me. Clara spoke to both of us in a supportive, understanding tone.

"Thank you Damon. So Elena,"

She turns her attention to me.

"Why don't we start with what Damon first got in touch with me for? You seemed eager to blow off some steam in your emails and I think that would be a good starting point to help you open up about some more personal, destructive events later on."

She chose her words carefully, making sure not to step over any lines and analysed my reaction closely. I gave her a small, quick smile before nodding in agreement and began telling her about my self harm, vaguely mentioning key parts of the Tyler Situation.

"Sure."

I shuffled around in my seat, anxious to start.

"Well, um. I had been struggling with low self esteem since long before Tyler first entered my life. That all changed however, when he first gave me the attention that I craved. Damon was very aware of how low I thought of myself and helped me though some very tough challenges in my life. But going back to Tyler, I believed that all I needed was a love that made me feel good about myself, someone who spoilt me and loved me. I was in way over my head and was oblivious to the abuse that he constantly bombarded me with. It wasn't physical like hitting or, I mean he never laid a hand on me."

I felt the oncoming moisture of tears form at my water line and I fought to hold them back.

"It was subtle at first, he always used to ask who I was on the phone to, who I was going out with, when I was gonna be coming home. It wasn't just a ' Oh, so was that your mom?' kinda thing. He was never asking just to be curious, he was mean about it. His questions were very forceful and full of hate and jealousy. He was persistent too, always trying to get in my business, like he didn't trust me to be alone with anyone other than him. But it gradually got worse and other people were starting to notice too. Like, he set a curfew for when I was out with my friends, Damon included. Tyler knew how close i was to Damon and the history we shared, so when he prevented me from going out with any of my male friends, Damon was the first to notice and intervene."

I turned towards him and give him a smile that said 'thank you for helping through some of the worst moments of my life.' He nodded, returned it with a warm smile and reached out to rest his hand on my quivering.

"Tyler was forever trying to control me and he was furious towards Damon as well but mostly me for involving him. Bear in mind, I never actually told Damon, he just saw what Tyler was doing to me. I got dumped a week later and I was in agony for weeks afterwards. Now that I think about it, I never even got dumped, um Tyler was, I guess just done with my shit and decided to leave Mystic Falls with one of the towns 'ladies of the night.' I never thought about harming myself for this, mainly thanks to Damon's support through it all. He returned some months later on the night of my best friends birthday and. Yeah. You know the rest."

I finished and heard Damon let out a heavy sigh I didn't realise he was holding. My face was wet with tears I didn't feel fall down my face and my hands were shaking uncontrollably. Clara looked at me with a sympathetic look and congratulated me on telling her.

"Thank you very much for sharing that with me Elena, I can only imagine how hard that must've been and I am very proud of you for doing it so well. Damon, is there anything you would like to add?"

"Um yes, actually. After Caroline's party, she rang me asking if Elena was with me as she couldn't find her anywhere. After her experiences with Tyler, Elena had gotten into a habit of telling either Caroline, Bonnie or me where she was in case he did anything to her. Bonnie had already called Caroline and said that she saw Elena leave the party early but no one knew where she was headed. I panicked and went to see if she was at her flat. To my relief, she was home. But to my horror-"

He stopped mid sentence and took my hand in his own to squeeze it, mainly for his benefit.

"You were laying, unconscious, in a puddle of your own blood. A blade was in your hand and your clothes were stained red. I had no idea what to do so I called Caroline. She raced over and called an ambulance. But I left you with her and I was fuming because I knew that this was Tyler's doing. I made Caroline promise me that she wouldn't tell you it was me who found you and I left to go find Tyler. Unfortunately, he must've known that I would try something because he wasn't in town when I went to look."

My mouth fell open at Damon's confession and I remembered the night when I told him about what Tyler had done to me.

"Damon, you acted so surprised when I told you that I started cutting because of that. Now you're telling me that this whole time you _knew?_ You knew what I did to myself and acted so oblivious when I told you? I don't know if I should be thankful that you found me when you did or so damn pissed that you lied to me."

Clara interrupted us to calm to building anger rising.

"Okay, why don't we take a step back and try to resolve this with minimal damage. Elena honey, why don't you start?"

I scoffed at him and crossed my legs, anger replacing anxiety.

" _You_ found me- not Caroline- laying, unconscious, in a pool of my own blood. But instead of staying with me to make sure I was okay, you _called Caroline_ , told her to wait with me while _you fucked off_ to get revenge on someone without even knowing what they did. How fucking vain are you?"

I jumped up out of my chair and headed to the door before Damon leapt in front and stopped me. He held his hands out in front of his chest and placed them on my arms.

"Elena, please. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. If I could go back and change it I would've never left you with Caroline. Baby, please. Listen to me."

I lifted my head to reveal the tears slowly making their way down my red cheeks.

"But you cant. You can't go back and change a damn thing. You left me, Damon. When I was at my lowest, you left me."

He pulled me into a tight hug, trapping my hands to my side and refusing to let me go. I heard him sobbing quietly as he rested his chin on my head and snuggled his head into my hair. The sad sounds that escaped him filled me with guilt and I started crying with him. He released my arms and I draped them around him possessively. Through muffled sobs, he promised me something that I will remember forever.

"If you let me, I promise to hold, cherish, support and love you for the rest of your life. I will dedicate my existence to keeping you safe and I will never _leave_ you again."

Damon finally released his death grip on me and did the unexpected which caught me completely by surprise. He got down on one knee, and pulled out the biggest diamond ring I have ever seen. My eyes grew wide and I slapped my hands over my mouth, unsure of what to make of the current situation.

"Elena Gilbert, I promise to love you always and forever, for the rest of your human life. Will you do me the incredible honour of becoming my wife?"

I stood in same position for a while before Damon's voice brought me back down to earth.

"Yes. Of course I will. Of course I'll marry you!"

A wave of adrenaline coursed through my veins, causing me to leap into his arms. I wrapped my hands around his neck and admired the gorgeous ring he placed delicately on my finger.

"It's beautiful, Damon."

I felt him smile against my neck before leaving soft kisses behind my ear. We got so caught up on the moment that we completely forgot about Clara sitting 10feet away from us.

"Ahem, sorry to interrupt but, uh, would you like to continue today or carry on next week?"

Slowly, my feet touched the ground and I straightened myself up to return to our session.

"I apologise for that, Clara. As you can probably guess, that was one thing I was not expecting anytime soon."

A broad smile covered her face.

"Congratulations to you both. You seem destined for each other."

We both look over at each other instantaneously and nod our heads in agreement.

"Yes, I suppose you could say that."

The rest of the session went by quickly and smoothly. We covered my self harm, moving in with Damon and even the baby. Some of the details were left out for future sessions but it went really well. Damon endlessly expressed how proud he was of me for this major milestone. During the car ride home we talked even more. We talked about when I could move in with him and decided this weekend would be best. That way, it would give me 4 days to pack and two days to move everything. I would spend the next week unpacking and getting rid of everything I don't need. We talked about our engagement and when the wedding would be. Since we have a lot on our plate, we decided it would be best to keep that aside for the time being. We spoke about anything and everything. I really felt like that therapy session enabled me to open up more to Damon and, more importantly, myself. The rest of the car ride was spent reminiscing over old memories and singing along to forgotten songs.

To commemorate our engagement, Damon thought that it would be necessary to carry me through the door and did so without hesitation or permission from me. You can imagine my surprise when I got swooped up into his embrace as soon as I stepped out of the car.

"Ahh! Damon what're you doing?"

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't wipe the smile from my face. I giggled hysterically and hid my blushing face in his shoulder.

"Aw, is someone getting shy?"

Suddenly, a familiar feeling in my lower abdomen emerged and made me squirm viciously. We both stopped dead in our tracks and stared at each other, eyes wider than a deers in the path of an oncoming train. I knew exactly what Damon was thinking, or so I thought.

"Was that the baby?"

I could help but laugh in his face. Loudly. The look on his face showed that my sudden reaction caught him by surprise and he stared at me, confused.

"No sweetie, it wasn't the baby."

He lowered me back down to the floor and we walked over to the kitchen hand in hand, only letting go when he grabbed me a glass of water. He placed it in front of me and I took it down to the table while Damon leant against the kitchen island. A look of worry crossed his face and he spoke in a serious tone.

"Elena, are you okay?"

"What? Oh god Damon I'm fine! In fact, I'm feeling a little too fine..." I made my best impression of Damon's signature smirk but he still didn't get my drift.

I sighed heavily and continued on.

"It's been over a month since I've had sex. And it's not like that was a very happy time either. Damon, I'm your fiancé now but it's been too long since you've fucked my brains out and I am so damn ready for you to claim me as your own once and for all."

My confession caught him by surprise and he stared at me, befuddled. A glint of lust and sexual attraction flashed in his eyes and a sexy smirk curled up in the corner of his mouth, slowly turning into an excited smile. He stalked towards me, his face expressions never wavering at all. I stood up, wary of what his next move was gonna be. Suddenly, he crashed his lips into mine and picked me up underneath my thighs. I wrapped my legs around his waist and tangled my hands in his tousled hair. Before I realised where we were, my back hit the bed with force.

 _God, I love his vampire abilities._

He broke the kiss and straddled my waist. In sexual frustration, I sat up to rip off his shirt but he grabbed my wrists and held them above my head after pushing me back down. I gasped at his actions and tried to resist his hold but to no avail, I stayed put. Damon slipped my hands together and held both with one of his. The other tore through the fabric of my shirt. I saw pure lust dance in his eyes before he lowered his head to plant delicate kisses on my neck, making me moan in ecstasy. He sucked at my skin and nibbled softly, leaving love bites in their place. His hands trailed down my arms, barely grazing the surface and making goosebumps rise at the contact. At a painfully slow pace, Damon carried his mouth down my neck and across my collarbone, never breaking contact at all. I slid my hands out of his weak grasp and returned them to his face. My hands moulded to the shape of his perfectly formed jawbone and I pulled his mouth up to mine. Our lips crashed and our tongued danced a rhythmic dance together, all the while filling the silent room with satisfied moans. He moved between our hot bodies to push my jeans down and I kicked them off with much enthusiasm, desperate for him to bury himself deep inside of aching core. I pulled away from him, instantly missing the contact, to analyse our current situation. I struggled to catch my breath but I could see Damon was also having difficulty calming down.

"I'm feeling a bit exposed, not gonna lie."

I looked myself up and down, clad in a matching set of lace panties and bra. Then I looked at Damon, the only article of clothing removed was his shoes. He pushed a rogue strand of hair out of my eyes before staring deep into them. While straddling my hips, he pulled his skin tight shirt above his head and watched my reaction.

"How's the view from down there?"

Instantaneously, my fingers made their way to his chiselled chest, paying close attention to every line and muscle I could touch. When they reached back down to the hem of his jeans, I traced the belt and immediately began working on the buckle. Tangling my fingers together, I grunted in frustration at my inability to complete such a simple task. Anger mixed with pregnancy hormones brought tears to my eyes and I dropped my hands to the side and flopped back down in the bed, sobbing.

"Hey hey, come on. Look I'll take it off for you."

I could hear his comforting voice but I couldn't see him through the tears that fogged up my vision. Suddenly, a weight lifted off of me and I heard the clink of a belt hitting the ground and a zipper being pulled down. The familiar sound of jeans being taken off distracted me from my doom and gloom moment and I glanced up at a now naked Damon. Gotta love commando.

An all too well-known smirk greeted me and pulled me out of my sad mood. I quickly sat up and ripped off my bra and panties, throwing them in no particular direction. I stood up to join him, stopping inches away from his face. I connected our hands and led him backwards towards the bed until he fell back with me crawling on top of him. Our lips crashed together once again and he ran his hands up and down my back and legs. His rock solid member pushing adamantly against my hot core, desperate to be inside. While running a hand through my hair, I straddled his waist and grabbed a tight hold onto him. A deep growl escaped his throat and he threw his head back on the bed sheets, tightening his hold on my thighs. I pushed myself up on my knees so I could position his cock grazing my opening.

In a quick swift movement, I impaled myself on him, loud moans echoing around the room escaped from us both simultaneously. I leaned down onto his chest and let him hold me. Slowly, I grinded on his cock, moving my hips in a circular motion. Damon occasionally thrusting up into me. His hands guided my hips up and down while I rolled on his pelvis, desperate to get us both off. Just when I thought Damon was going to climax, he flipped me over onto my back so he was laying on top of me. He wasted no time in thrusting into me hard and fast.

"Ugh...Damon.. ohh ugh. My.. god! Keep going... Ugh Damon FASTER! im almo- UGGHH"

I screamed out in orgasmic pleasure, quivering under the intensity of my first orgasm in months. Moments later I felt Damon cum inside of me, pumping his seed deep into me.

He held himself up with his hands beside my head and I could feel his hot breath as he buried his head into my neck, desperate to calm himself down. I kept my arms wrapped around his torso and my legs tangled around his waist. Occasionally, I shook and whimpered and to calm me down, Damon would kiss and suck at my neck, all the while he stayed inside me.

After we both calmed from our high he slowly released himself from me, something I could tell he didn't want to do anytime soon, and pulled me into his embrace. I whimpered from the loss of contact but he cuddled me into him to make up for it. Grabbing the bedsheets from around him, he wrapped them around me and let me lay back on his chest while he sat up against the headboard.

He played with my hands and hair, placing kisses on my head every so often.

"Thank you."

I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear and twisted his fingers in mine.

"For what?"

"For loving me. For letting me stick around. For everything Damon, not just today."

He chucked lightly before gently rubbing my stomach where my shirt rode up.

"It's sweet that you still have to thank me but I want you to know that it should be me thanking you. I don't know where or who I would be if I didn't have you to lighten up my life. I will dedicate the rest of my existence trying to make you smile or laugh whenever I can. I just want you to know that."

I smiled quickly and pulled my hand out of his to wipe the tears before they fell over the edge.

Damn pregnancy hormones.

To break down some of the tension I cracked a lighthearted joke.

"I gotta say, it took you long enough to propose. I had myself believing that I was gonna have to take the knee."

I heard him gasp then his chest heave quickly to indicate a gentle huff.

"Must I remind you, Gilbert, that you are a very tough girl to please when it comes to jewellery."

I scoffed in disagreement.

"Oh please! A candy ring would've sufficed. It's not the price or the look of the ring that matters, It's suppose to be a symbol of your love for me."

He took my hand to look at the huge diamond ring placed on my finger and inspected it closely.

"Not to make you anxious or anything but I should say that this is my grandmothers engagement ring, meaning that it is at least 250 years old, easy. But if you would much rather settle for a candy ring..."

I sat up abruptly at his brief history lesson and stared him directly in the eyes.

"Damon. You _know_ that I would never let anything happen to this ring, I mean it's _gorgeous_."

He grabbed my shoulders and gently manoeuvred me so I was laying against his chest again.

"Baby, of course I know that. I was just playing."

I shrugged against him and cuddled up in his embrace.

"Did you think I'd say yes?"

I asked after a few moments of comfortable silence.

"Well I _hoped_ you'd say yes. I don't know what I would've done if you said no."

I patted his hands and kissed them lovingly.

"I could never say no to you, Damon Salvatore."

He kissed the top of my head before nestling his into the crook of my neck.

Before long, we were fast asleep in a deep, much-needed slumber after engaging in long awaited, passionate love making.

SO SO sorry this this took a few weeks to get out. Had some serious writers block. I apologise to say that I will not be able to stick to my schedule although for 7 or 8 weeks it was working! So sorry again but I will update the story as often as I possibly can.


	13. Chapter 11: Unexpected Guest

I stretched my arms out and smiled at the memories of last night permanently ingrained in my memory. With my eyes still closed, I rolled over to cuddle up to my man, only to find an empty space where he should be. I grunted, annoyed, and set out to find him. Swiftly, I made the bed and opened up the curtains when a wide smile spread across my face at the white canvas of snow that decorated the front lawn and trees that surrounded. I couldn't contain the childlike giggles and squeals that rang out through the quiet room. I threw on a pair of thick Christmas pyjamas and ran down the stairs to the front door completely forgetting about Damon's absence. To my disappointment, the only shoes I could find were my thin black and white Converse. I groaned in frustration at the lack of preparation I had, the date suddenly dawning on me.

"Christmas is in two days and I haven't bought anyone anything."

As if on cue, Damon walked in through the door, surprised by my presence.

"Morning beautiful."

He gave me a little peck on the lips before kicking off his snow boots and unzipping his jacket.

"Where did you go?!"

He hung his jacket on the banister before walking into the kitchen to hand me a note. I snatched it from his hand and crossed my arms, suddenly feeling the cold of December.

" 'Gone out feeding. Made some decaf coffee, it's in the machine. Be back soon.' "

He leaned against the counter, his legs and arms crossed.

"Did you not see it?"

I pushed the note into his chest and went to get some coffee, which I assumed would be cold by now.

"Does this look like the face of a person in the know?"

I turned to pour my drink when I heard him laugh.

"Look, when I woke up, I made the bed and opened the curtains to reveal the winter wonderland that appeared overnight in your front garden. Determined to please the inner child in me, I ran downstairs only to disappoint said child to find a lack of winter-appropriate clothing and footwear that I own here. Needless to say that I think I should get started on moving in today."

I took a big chug of my cold coffee.

"Ugh it's stone cold!"

I spat my coffee back into the cup and poured it down the sink before rinsing it out.

"I'm thinking, because Christmas is in two days, that we wait until next year to start moving things over."

I huffed at his suggestion and agreed anyway.

"Fine. But can we at least pack up my stuff? Ive already put my place on the market so when it sells I wanna be able to move everything out altogether."

"Of course."

A glint of excitement flashed in his eyes and he smirked at me. I placed my cup down and answered warily.

"What, Salvatore?"

He drum-rolled on his legs for a moment before whispering.

"You wanna decorate a Christmas tree?"

I jumped up and clapped my hands in excitement and leapt into his arms.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!"

He spun me around before kissing behind my ears.

"It's just a Christmas tree Elena."

He sat me down on the counter top and stood between my legs.

i"It's not _just_ a Christmas tree. I haven't decorated one or even bought one since 2008, the last Christmas that my parents were alive. After their loss I spent every Christmas either with relatives or friends. You remember when I spent Christmas with you? It was my first Christmas alone and you invited me because you didn't want me to be alone. You already decorated the tree as it was a last minute invitation."

He tangled my hands in his and lifted them around his neck.

"I remembered, don't worry about that. God, that seems so long ago. What year was it anyway?"

I thought about it long and hard before answering.

"Well my parents died the May before Christmas 2009 and I spent 4 Christmases after that at Bonnies twice, Carolines for one year and then once with relatives. That was two years ago so... Christmas 2012."

I jumped down off the counter and walked over to the coffee machine and turned it on again, hoping to get a warmer cup this time round. After successfully making a piping hot mug of decaf, I placed it down after drinking half of it and wrapped my arms around his neck again. He moved his hands around my waist and lifted me up under my thighs, giving me permission to wrap my legs around his waist, my head snugged in the crook of his neck. I looked at the floor to see where we were going and moaned in delight when I learned we were in the living room. He sat me down on the sofa.

"I'm going to go get the decorations from the attic and then we can go and get a Christmas tree from the farm down the road, okay?"

"Mmm."

I mumbled, not really listening, and lay back on the sofa to gawk at Damon who smiled down at me, pure happiness covering his face. I heard a light chuckled and a faint trail of footsteps descending away from me.

"Wait!"

He stopped, turned around and glared at me with a playful glint in his eyes.

"Yes, your highness?"

"I left my coffee in the kitchen."

I stared at him with the biggest smile I could muster, hoping he gets the hint.

He dropped his arms by his side and began walking back to the kitchen. A few moments later he returned with my hot mug and placed it down- on the other side of the living room- and began to walk away.

I grunted and hesitated before I swung my legs over the side of the couch to retrieve my drink. Just then, an image of a shadow flashed in front of me, pushing me back down. I gasped, trying to get my breathe back when I saw Damon stood in front of me, looking just as confused.

"Elena, come and stand behind me."

His tone of voice indicated that something wasn't right. He held my hand tightly and kept me pressed up against the wall, his strong torso stood protectively in front. Suddenly another flash of black ran past us both, sending Damon flying across the living room, landing on a solid wooden table and splitting it into tiny shards of wooden spikes. A terrified scream escaped my lips and I collapsed on the floor, unable to process what was happening.

A million thoughts ran about my head frantically but all I could think about is Tyler. Had he returned? He knows about the baby and he has come to seek revenge by killing us both. At this, my whole body tensed up and I was unable to move at all. I could hear was Damon shouting for me to run from across the room but the overwhelming fear had me frozen and stuck to my place on the ground. All I managed to do is close my eyes and wait for the darkness to take over.

"Is she alright, Damon? Damon. DAMON. Fucking talk to me."

The loud smashing of another wooden table splintering jolted me awake and I sat up quickly, my eyes wide.

Both men shot their attention to me, laying helpless on the sofa covered by a large fluffy pillow. Before I could even process who was standing with Damon, he was sat next to me with his hands softly grasping my face and staring deep into my eyes. I could feel tears forming at my waterline and Damon delicately wiped them away before smiling a genuinely concerned smile.

"It's only Stefan."

I was shocked at this, so much that that I couldn't even form a coherent sentence. I just stared at him with my mouth hanging open. After a few long moments, I managed to squeak out a whispered response.

" _Only_ Stefan?"

A blinding rage took over and I shot up off the sofa, storming towards Stefan and screaming in his face.

"YOU SHOW UP HERE -UNINVITED- AFTER NOT COMMUNICATING WITH DAMON FOR YEARS. YOU FEEL IT PERFECTLY NECESSARY TO SCARE THE ABSOLUTE SHIT OUT OF ME TO THE POINT WHERE I PASS OUT FROM FRIGHT, OBLIVIOUS TO THE FACT THAT IM CARRYING A FUCKING BABY THAT WAS CONCEIVED FROM RA-."

I immediately recognised my mistake and slap my hands over my mouth and close my eyes, sighing in a defeated manner. Stefan began to speak but Damon was quick to stop him.

"Elena, I didn't kn-"

"Stefan, you need to leave."

I began hyperventilating and I couldn't help but let the tears fall freely over my hands. I sat down on the sofa and covered my whole face with my hands, sobbing loudly into them when I heard the front door shut, announcing Stefan's departure. The longer I sat, the louder I seemed to cry until I became suspicious that Damon hadn't come to comfort me yet. Once I calmed myself down I took my hands away and wiped the tears before looking at the empty room. I squeezed my eyes shut to stop the new tears before deciding to head upstairs for another nap, my exhaustion suddenly hitting me hard.

The second I stood up Damon's strong body stopped me in my tracks and I gasped unintentionally.

"You're not going anywhere."

I stared up at him with a sad look in my eyes.

"I was just going for a nap."

He pushed a few loose strands behind my ears and leaned my head forward to kiss my forehead.

"Don't you want to get a tree?"

A smile curled up in the corner of my mouth as excitement erupted from my stomach but it left just as quick as it appeared.

"Damon, why do you think I was so scared?"

"Tyler, I know. I thought so too. That's why I kept you between a wall and myself. I had no idea who it was."

He answered immediately, with absolutely no time in between my question and his response.

"As soon as he threw me on that table, I knew it wasn't him. There's no way he would've been strong enough to pick me up."

I sighed and replied softly.

"Let's hope you're right."

"What do you mean?"

"I just mean, what if that's what he's doing? He's gathering his strength, or numbers then he's gonna take us both down."

Suddenly, I had a lightbulb moment and my eyes lit up with a brilliant idea. I continued on.

"Do you think Stefan will wanna make it up to me?"

He looked befuddled but answered me anyway.

"Yes, he feels horrid for what he did. I'm sure he'd jump at the opport-"

I could see the pin drop in his mind as he was speaking but before he said anything else I stepped in.

"I don't want to make him stay here just for me but I really think it would be worth just asking him, at least."

"I'd sure he'd be more than happy to help out. Do you want to ask him or should I?"

"I will. Do you know where he is?"

As if he was eavesdropping, Stefan walked through the door and into the living room.

"It would be my pleasure to help you, Elena."

He smirked at me and walked over for a hug. Damon began to speak while we hugged.

"Stefan, you can take your old room, Elena, we can move to a different room if you want? One with less windows or none if you prefer."

I started playing with my fingers anxiously, waiting for the right time to say what I needed to.

"Well, um, actually, there's another room that, uh, I'd like to decide on, if that's alright with you Damon."

"Of course, you know it is, baby."

"Funny you say that actually, because thats kinda the room I wanna talk about..."

Their eyes grew wide, mostly Stefan's from the complete shock of truth.

"Wait, so you're _actually_ pregnant? With Tyler Lockwood's baby?"

A sadness creeped over me and I dropped my head in shame. Damon punched him hard and he groaned in pain.

"I'm sorry Elena, it's just so hard to believe."

I snapped back at him angrily.

"Well you better start fucking believing it soon."

I stormed off, arms crossed, to our room before stopping just before opening the door. My hand reached to the handle but instead, I walked away from Damon's bedroom to the smaller one across the hall. I slowly pushed it open to reveal a bare room with only a stack of boxes in the corner. I crossed my arms as a cold breeze spent across the open space and my eyes wandered to the window cracked open a little bit. I walked to shut it, only to see Damon standing down in the garden below, his back facing the window. I hear the front door close and Stefan walks out to join him. Both men lit a cigarette and took long drags before blowing out large clouds of smoke. I chuckled and shook my head, knowing exactly that I won't be letting any of them near my baby when she's born. I cradled my belly when I heard a creak coming from the door. I snapped my head and turned around quickly.

"Tyler."


	14. Chapter 12: We'll Make It Happen

He stalked towards me, like a lion towards its prey, and stopped just mere inches from my face. I could feel his hot breath against my nose like he'd been running for miles. A million thoughts ran through my head at once, including the fact that Tyler could most likely read all of them.

 _Should I bang on the window to get Damon's attention? What if I scream really loud? If I start running now, I could make it downstairs and find Stefan and Damon._

But no matter how many things I thought of, my body would not cooperate at all and I froze to my spot. Sweat beaded at my hairline and slowly trickled down my forehead. His cocky voice made the tears fall freely, my face expression staying as still as stone.

"Whatever you're thinking of doing, don't. I could snap your neck before you even knew what was happening."

He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, like Damon always does, and smiled a sickly smile.

"So. I heard about our little bun the oven..."

He let go of my hair and began strolling around the room.

" _That_ doesn't actually surprise me at all, you see..."

Tyler moved away to stare down at Damon and Stefan who had their back towards the window.

"What does surprise me, however, is that it's _still_ there."

He walked back around to face me head on.

"I thought I made myself perfectly clear when I said what was to happen to that baby. It's an abomination, Elena. But you knew that already, didn't you?"

I closed my eyes, not wanting to look into his, turned black from anger. Before I could take another breath, all the air became trapped in my lungs as Tyler threw me across the room into the far wall. A shooting pain erupted from my abdomen as I realised what his goal was from this ambush. I curled up, foetal position, and hugged my stomach tightly. Tyler came into view with pure hatred in his eyes as he charged towards me and started viciously kicking my stomach. I cried out in agony as every blow brought me closer to death. I screamed through the tears and tried to call for Damon. The second before I slipped into unconsciousness, the door swung open and both men were greeted with the scene that lay out before them. Stefan lunged towards Tyler just as he tried to make a dash but Stefan snapped his neck before he could get any further. He dragged the werewolf out of the door until it was just Damon, staring down at me in horror, unable to process what he was witnessing. The guilt and sorrow in his eyes were the last thing I saw before I passed out from the unbearable pain.

A sweet smell of hot chocolate wafting under my nose woke me up from my deep slumber. I felt the bed dip near the edge and I opened my eyes to see Damon leaning over me, one hand next to my shoulder. I tried to sit up but the memory of earlier slammed into me and I was taken back to Tyler kicking me uncontrollably. The memory triggered the pain and I was left hugging my stomach moaning in pain again. When the pain eventually subsided, I felt a warm liquid puddling between my legs.

"Damon, stand up a minute."

He looked at me with fear in his eyes, almost like he knew what happened.

I pushed the thick quilt off of me and a blood curdling scream rang out in the room followed by a salty stream of tears.

There was blood everywhere. The sheets were drenched, my Christmas pyjamas were drenched. Everything was dyed a deep colour of red.

Through the pain and tears I scrambled away from the mess only to get the blood in even more places. I pulled the shirt over my head and tore the pants off too, leaving myself near naked in just a pair of panties dyed red from the blood. I threw them to the other side of the room and tipped myself off the bed to drag myself to sit on the floor underneath the window. My whole body shuddered, and my lips quivered in the cold winter air. I tucked myself into my chest and buried my face in my knees, desperate to shut out the rest of the world.

"It can't be over. She can't be dead."

I whispered through the tears and looked up at Damon, who was towering above me, with pleading eyes. He spoke with the quietest voice, just above a whisper.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I can't hear her heartbeat anymore."

As I sat on the floor, in just a pair of blood-stained panties, I suddenly realised what was happening. I had lost my baby. My one chance of having a family with Damon had been ripped away from me. I could feel the impact of this revelation hitting me with full force and I just screamed. I screamed and I cried. My hands pulled my hair back off my face and I sat on the floor crying. I had hit a new low and I felt myself falling even further. I didn't know what to do, or how to deal or process any of it. I wanted to die. Damon came and knelt down in front of me just before I began screaming in his face.

"YOU FUCKING KNEW. YOU COULD SMELL THE BLOOD SEEPING THROUGH THE SHEETS AND YOU DID FUCK ALL. YOU KNEW I LOST MY BABY AND YOU JUST SAT THERE, WAITING FOR ME TO FIND OUT MYSELF. YOU COULDN'T HAVE EVEN FUCKING WARNED ME."

I slammed my hands in the ground and waited for his reaction. Hurt covered his face, his head dropped and I instantly regretted raising my voice at him.

"I needed to let you sleep. I fed you my blood after you passed out to help with the healing, but what you really needed was rest."

He stood up and walked over to his ensuite bathroom to turn on the taps to the bath. Just the sound of it slowly filling up calmed me down slightly. He walked back over and towered over me again, attempting to pull me up, but failed because of the horrific bruising to my abdomen. Damon bent down to pick me up and carried me over to the bathroom.

"Let's get you cleaned up, shall we."

Slowly he sat me down on a small chair and pulled down my panties.

"Is it too hot?"

He asked, placing a wet flannel in my hands. I shook my head no to answer.

"Do you want me to wipe you down or do you want to get in the bath with me?"

I played with my hands before nodding my head in the direction to the bath.

The next time I lifted my head, Damon was stood completely naked in front of me. I managed to stand up with his help, wincing at the pain that came with every movement. He lifted my legs over the bath and let me sink down into the hot, bubbly bathtub.

He climbed in behind me and I leaned into him. I let him caress my neck and he pulled my hair back to plait it.

"We will figure this out. I don't know how or what we're going to do but it will all work out in the end. I promise you that."

I took a deep breath before grabbing hold of his hands and wrapping them around myself.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, he picked up a flannel and began wiping me down, starting with my shoulders and neck. He got lower until he was cleaning off blood from the inside of my thighs. I could feel his hands grazing over the scars that were left from the blade of a pencil sharpener. I felt his soft kisses trailing down my neck, like he was trying to make up for the scars.

I whimpered, his touches were making me feel vulnerable and he loved it when I showed it. I couldn't help but moan and my lips curled up with every passing moment. Just when I thought I had come to terms with where my life was, the memory of my miscarriage swept into me and a wave of sadness took over. I sniffled, trying to contain my tears but it wasn't enough and Damon caught on quickly.

"I know it hurts, baby. And I'm also know that this is was our only chance to have a baby, a family. I am very aware that, as a vampire, procreation the 'natural' way is impossible but I know of a few vampires who have been able to start a family with their human partners through insemination."

At this, I sat up quickly breathed through the pain, and stared him dead in the eyes.

"Are you fucking serious?"

"Yes. I know I should've mentioned it before but it happened a very long time ago."

I sat up and leaned over.

"But it did happen. That's the point Damon. A human girl got pregnant using a vampires 'seed'. That is pretty big fucking news that we could've done with months ago."

He grabbed a hold of my hands and held them close together.

"Elena, that not what I mean. Insemination, using a sperm donor. The baby only had the mother's genes, not the vampire's."

My face sunk at this news and I knew there was no possible way for us to have a baby that was made of _both_ of us.

"Has anyone ever tried insemination using a vampires sperm?"

I knew the answer already but I had to ask.

"I honestly don't know."

I leaned back onto his chest once more and sighed loudly. An idea popped up into my mind.

"Why don't _we_ try that? I mean, I know that we've had sex and we haven't conceived but an insemination might just work for us. Unless you don't want to have a baby with me..."

I felt him sit up at my last comment and I prepared myself for the lecture.

"What? Of course I do. Fuck Elena, that is all I've been able to think about since we got together and how I will never be able to provide you with the chance to raise a family like you always hoped. It kills me inside to know that I might not ever be able to have a baby with you so if there is even the slightest chance of that happening then I am all in."

"We'll make it happen Damon. I promise. One way or another we will get our perfect family."


	15. AN: New Story Announcement

Hello there, fellow readers!

I am SO so sorry that it has taken me so long to get that last chapter out. It's been a busy few months but that is no excuse for leaving it nearly 3 months.

I do have some good news though, I am in the middle of planning and writing a new Delena-based fan fiction! The first chapter may not be released until late July at the least but it is coming, I promise!

My new story won't overtake LL&L so this story will always be prioritised when one of them needs updating, I won't be abandoning this one anytime soon until it finishes.

On another high note, I am going to leave my fanfic email on my profile so if there is any enquiries about the next release of a chapter or any little details, then don't hesitate to contact me via the email!


	16. Chapter 13: The Girl I Fell In Love With

"If only I screamed or shouted to you and Stefan, maybe she would still be alive." Damon shook his head in frustration and placed his hands on my shoulders so I had to look at his face. He stared into my eyes and cupped my face.

"Elena, Tyler would have snapped your neck the _second_ you stepped out of line. I don't know what I would've done if I lost you, too."

He kissed my forehead for an usually long time while I stood in his room draped in a large towel. While I waited for Damon to get dressed and help me dry off, he walked over to his dresser and pulled out some clothes. I closed my eyes and rubbed my hands over my face. When I opened my eyes again, he was walking toward me in only a pair of black jeans. He stood in front of me and gently started patting me down with the towel, avoiding any bruises along the way. After what felt like hours, he strolled over to the chest of drawers and got out a very comfortable outfit for me. A pair of tight grey sweats and a red and white striped jumper were thrown on the bed next to me. He leaned in close and took ahold of the towel, letting it drop in a heap on the floor.

His hand reached into his back pocket, pulled out a black of lacy thong and stretched them with his thumbs. He had a very mischievous smirk on his face.

"Your blood will have healed me by now. I can dress myself."

Without breaking eye contact, he knelt down right in front of me and slipped my feet into the thong before slowly dragging it up my shivering legs.

"Well, where's the fun in that?"

"You're making me uneasy."

He kissed my forehead, my nose and then my lips before sucking gently at my neck, leaving a subtle love-bite.

"I can tell."

He continued to attack my neck before I quivered and pushed him off of me forcefully. Lust and arousal flashed in his eyes and he bared his pearly white fangs at me, his fists clenched at his sides. He strutted towards me, his goal clearly present in his stance. Just before he could touch me, I held up my hand and he froze with a single word.

"Stop."

Lust quickly turned to confusion, then anger, then compassion.

"I'm cold."

With that, he picked me up with his arms under my thighs and rushed us over to the bed, landing me on my back. I gasped at him with wide eyes.

"Don't move."

I sighed, irritated but obeyed, only folding my arms over my bare chest. When I noticed the lack of activity from Damon, a wave of anxiety washed over me and I was overcome with the intense fear that someone was here to kill me. My heart rate elevated quickly and I jumped off the bed and raced to the corner of the bedroom. I slid down the wall and buried my face into my knees.

 _There's nobody here, there's nothing there. There's nobody here, there's nothing there._

"Elena?"

I lifted my head up and only noticed now the tears streaming down my face. I was shaking violently and I had goosebumps up and down my body. My vision was blurred and I could only make out a manly figure walking towards me. My eyes grew wide and I tried to push myself further away only to find that there was a wall behind me.

"Elena, baby it's me, you're fine. I'm not going to hurt you."

His voice pushed its way into my head and my vision cleared. Seeing his face immediately calmed my anxiety and I jumped up into his firm embrace. My legs wrapped around his waist and I buried my head into his neck while closing my eyes.

"I just went to light the fire downstairs, baby."

I tried to answer but my voice still quivered in fear at the possibility of Tyler's return.

I felt him lean over and grab my clothes from the bed.

"I'm taking you down to the living room, then we are going to spend to rest of the night in front of the warm fire. Sound okay?"

I nodded my head in response, unable to form coherent sentences. I grasped onto his hair, petrified that he was going to drop me and had the hem of his shirt in my mouth, rolling it in between my teeth.

When we reached the sofa, Damon sat down and moved my legs so I was straddling his waist. My arms were still wrapped around his neck and my face still in the crook of his neck too. The heat of the fire still hadn't warmed me up and my whole body shivered. He gently started rubbing my arms and cooed softly in my ear.

"Elena baby, if you let go of me for just a second then I can get this jumper on you and you won't be cold anymore."

I slowly released my arms and held them up for Damon to slip the jumper on my freezing body.

He let his hands hold my waist for a moment before moving them up my back and gently enticing me to lay on his chest. I cuddled up right under his chin, where he rests his head on my chestnut hair.

"Tyler won't ever be able to hurt you again, Stefan made sure of that."

I sniffled and sighed, unable to respond straight away.

"What do you mean, Damon?"

He moved one hand up to stroke my hair and kissed the top of my head.

"Stefan _dealt_ with him. We'll put it that way."

I pushed myself up and held my hands on his chest, giving him a stern expression.

"What. Do you mean. Salvatore?"

His hands returned to my waist and he squeezed my hips gently, hoping to calm me down.

"Fine. Well if you MUST know-"

"Yes, I must know what you did."

"Okay, let's get one thing straight: I didn't actually do _anything_ to him, Stefan did, I only merely gave him the idea-"

"What did you say to him Damon!"

"Alright Elena."

I braced myself for what Damon was about to tell me. He closed his eyes, sighed, and opened his eyes again.

"Tyler is at the bottom of the quarry in a metal safe. Before we threw, sorry, before _Stefan_ threw him in there, Tyler was injected with a shit ton of wolfsbane. There's enough in his system to keep him weak for a few days but by then, he'll be too weak to do anything because of the lack of food. We reckon he'd gone about a week without food before he came to... _see_ you."

I became more and more worried the more he spoke.

"And you honestly think that _nobody's_ gonna find him? Nobody's gonna be looking for him or anything? Tyler has connections with people all over the US. As long as he's still _alive_ , they will be able to find him and they won't stop until they do."

He kissed the top of my forehead.

"Elena, I'm telling you, you are completely safe from him. Tyler won't be able to lay a hand on you ever again.

"And _I'm_ telling _you_ , that the second you start to believe that he's out of our lives forever, that is when he'll show up again and wreak havoc. This is what he does. He has you convinced you're safe and that is when he attacks."

He goes to hold my face in his hands but I can't dare to look him in the eye. I can see him staring at me out of the corner of my eyes with those massive blue orbs of his.

"What can I do or say that is gonna make you feel safe again."

At this, I stare directly into his eyes, a neutral face expression and I answer as blankly as possible.

"I want his head in your hands.."

Damon stares at me with a new, horrified expression on his face.

"Elena-"

"No. That is what I want. To see his dead, rotting head decapitated from his lifeless body. I want to hold it in my hands and feel the power that comes with it. I wanna be able to spit on his corpse and call him every bad name in the book for what he did to me."

Before I knew, I was stood up, huffing in anger and desperate to do something reckless. He stood up and matched my stance, ready to take on anything I might do.

"He killed my baby, Damon. _Our_ baby. Our only chance at a family is gone because of that despicable monster."

I ran my hands through my hair and closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears.

"Elena, nobody hates him more than I do, trust me. But you really need to calm down baby. Just sit down and talk to me."

I shook my head as he was talking.

"No. No, I need to get outta here."

He held his arms up in a defensive state.

"Okay. Let me help you."

I marched over to the sofa and grabbed my sweats, pulled them on and headed to the door. I slipped on my converse and had my hand on the door handle, ready to sprint.

Damon quickly followed behind me and placed his hand delicately on mine, I froze at the intimacy of such an innocent touch.

"It's late, dark and cold. We can still go out if you need some fresh air but I'll need you to bundle up and stay very close to me. I'm not about to lose you in the front garden, alright? What? Elena what are you doing?"

All I could do was stare at my hand being covered by his. I placed my other hand on top and squeezed it gently, then I picked up his hand and dropped it by his side.

"Um, I'm going to get a drink."

I took off quickly and headed into the kitchen where I leaned over the sink and closed my eyes tightly. My stomach suddenly felt really small and I started to feel nauseous. I had my arms crossed on the edge of the sink and my head buried in my arms. I groaned in pain and I heard Damon walk in and stand behind me.

"I don't feel well."

"I know baby."

I heard him reaching over my head to a cupboard of cups and plates. I looked up and saw him biting in to his hand, slowly filling up a shot glass with his blood. He passed it to me and went to wipe his hand.

"Here, drink this."

I picked up the glass and took a little sip before taking it with me to the table. I tipped it over a little to see the blood slowly slide down the side and I immediately jumped up and ran to the bathroom to throw up.

Before I even got down on my hands and knees, Damon was there holding my hair back. He had his hands on my back and was trying to calm me down as I tried to throw up. Dry heaves came and went but I never coughed anything up other than the small quantity of blood. After a few more minutes of dry heaves, I put the toilet seat down and sat on it, pushed my hair back and shook my head in frustration.

"What is wrong with me?"

Damon was crouched down in front of me and grabbed ahold of my knees.

"Nothing, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're just... sick. Not feeling well."

I took ahold of his hands and raised my voice a little.

"Then why the _fuck_ couldn't I keep your blood down? That was suppose to make me feel better, not worse."

"Listen, you're going through so much right now- mentally- that, physically, your body has no idea how to react so it just kinda shuts down. Your emotions are all over the place, your hormones are out of whack and it's messing with how you're feeling physically. You seriously need to just... recharge yourself..."

He stopped and took a deep breath debating whether or not to continue on.

"...so as of this moment, I'm putting you on room arrest."

My eyes grew wide and my mouth dropped.

"Wha-"

He held up his finger to silence me.

"From this moment on, where ever you've been placed in the house -either our bedroom or living room, you won't be allowed to go anywhere without my permission. You'll need to be escorted to the bathroom and you'll be required to ask me for a drink if you need one. I'll be making you three meals a day, breakfast, lunch and dinner with dessert if you want."

"You can't do this."

He cracked a smile which ignited a flame of rage inside of me.

"I can and I will. Now, any questions?"

I crossed my arms and pressed my lips into a tight line. To show my anger, I breathed solely through my nose.

"Am I going to be left alone?"

He stood up and held out his hand, expecting me to take it. All I could do was stare at it, then him then the floor. I was enraged by his decision.

"Of course not. I'm not letting you out of my sight for a good while. I thought you knew me well enough to know that."

I stood up abruptly and pushed past him, whispering under my breath.

"Guess not."

Ignoring his calls, I raced up the stairs and slammed to door shut, throwing myself onto the king-sized bed and sobbing loudly into the pillow to muffle my cries. Obviously I wasn't quiet enough as I heard a faint knock on the door before it squeaked open. I didn't look up.

I felt the bed dip beside me and a hand slowly push my hair from my neck. It was only at this point did I turn over and cuddle the pillow in a foetus position while staring up at him with doe eyes, glazed over with tears. He stroked my jawline delicately with the pad of his thumb and wiped away the remainders of tears.

"Do you wanna go on one last road trip tomorrow before your room arrest starts?"

I sniffled and pushed myself up to lean against the headboard.

"Not if it means I have to stay on lockdown longer."

He chuckled at my response and bent down to kiss my nose.

"It'll be Christmas Eve tomorrow and we still don't have a tree to decorate. What do you say we go and get one? There might not be any great ones left but it's worth a shot. Besides, I've already got the decorations out of the attic while you were asleep."

I closed my eyes and smiled, a single tear rolling down my cheek.

"Sounds perfect."

I whispered and flipped my legs over the side of the bed, my arms reaching up to stretch. I walked over to the bathroom to stare at myself in the mirror. I rubbed my hands over my face before turning back to Damon, who was still sat on the edge of the bed with his arms crossed, his eyes looking me up and down with a soft smirk on his face.

I pulled the jumper at the hem and huffed.

"Do I have anything more flattering than this here or is it all still at my flat?"

Quick as a flash, he had his arms wrapped around my waist, making me squeal in surprise. He turned us back to the mirror and rested his chin on my shoulder, staring intently at our reflections.

"You have never looked more stunning, Elena."

I stared at myself, wondering when I lost the life I once treasured in my eyes. What was once a pair of bright, beautiful chocolates eyes, filled with hope and depth, were now just a pair of dull brown eyes with not a sliver of life or joy in them at all. I barely recognised the girl who was staring back at me. Damon caught me looking sad and lifted my chin up ever so slightly.

"Talk to me, baby."

"I just don't recognise her. The girl in the mirror, who even is she?"

He smiled and kissed my cheek many times.

"That, Elena, is the girl I fell in love with."


	17. Chapter 14: The Perfect Tree

Chapter 14:

It was 7:34pm the last time I checked the time. Damon had spent all day paying close attention to my every move and waiting for me to try something. I spent the day flicking through the TV channels, hoping for something not Christmas related to watch, the closest thing being a continuous Harry Potter marathon and the news- I opted for the news. I was in and out of sleep the whole day so I wasn't too bothered about what was on the tv. I was not in the Christmas spirit, to put it lightly so you can imagine my reaction when Damon offered to take me out in search of the perfect Christmas tree. It was a sweet gesture intended to cheer me up a little, with everything going downhill lately. We had been wandering around a tree farm for about an hour, skimming through the rows and rows of trees in search for the perfect one.

"What about this one?"

Damon stood next to a broad Christmas tree, hope filling his eyes.

I strolled over to him and examined it. This was our first Christmas as an engaged couple and I wanted it be magical. Besides, I doubt it could be worse anyway.

"Hmmm, why don't we have another look around?"

He shook his head and smiled simultaneously.

"Fine. But it better be an extravagant tree that you come across, Ms Gilbert."

I walked around the farm, a darkness setting in just above the trees when a cold breeze blew through the thick branches and I erupted in shivers. Damon was quick to remove his coat and place it on my shoulders, my jaw chattering.

"Thanks."

I stood up on my toes and kissed his cheek before looking behind him and seeing the most exquisite tree. I grinned and whispered in his ear.

"I've found our tree."

He turned his head into the same direction as I turned mine and he wrapped his arms gently around my waist when he saw it.

"It's a little small... but it's perfect."

I stood on my tiptoes so I could reach my arms around his neck and I kissed him deeply.

I pulled away and planted a quick peck on his nose before pulling him towards the tree.

We bought the tree, loaded it up in the car and was on our way back to the boarding house when the song came on. Damon didn't notice it at first but I was quick to name it.

Ed Sheerans 'small bump' was playing on the radio. Damon never let me change the station or the volume whenever something came on so I had no idea how to turn it off. I didn't know what to do so I just sat there and tried to cover up my sobs.

I sat in silence for a while trying to block out the song before the radio was switched off abruptly, indicating that he had finally heard it. We sat in silence, Damon trying to get my attention without talking but I couldn't look at him without crying again.

"Elena-"

"Don't, Damon. I'm fine."

I sniffled and tried to dry my eyes and calm myself down. A heavy sob slipped out of my quivering lips, I felt the car slow down and stop on the side of the road. Refusing to look, I closed my eyes, counting to ten.

"Damon, I need to be able to get myself through this without you hovering over me all the time. I appreciate everything you do for me on such a deep level but I think that sometimes I need to work things out for myself. If I start relying on you for everything, I'll become this damsel in distress that can't do anything for herself. I'm not a helpless person but I'm just worried that, if there ever comes a time, that for whatever reason you aren't here to help me, I can get myself through it without being so self destructive and critical of everything I do."

He unbuckled his seat belt and took my face in his hands leaving me no choice but to look at him.

"I have seen how self destructive and critical you become of yourself when you dont have anyone to talk to and I refuse you watch you destroy yourself for something that you couldn't have prevented. It kills me to see you suffer and I hated being on the sidelines, unable to do anything, which is why I have devoted myself to being there for you 24/7. It is my choice, and I want nothing more than to see you get through this and if that means staying with you for the rest of your life then I am all in. I wouldn't have proposed to you if I didn't mean it Elena. I love you and I want nothing more than to spend forever with you."

I could see his eyes glaze over by the presence of tears, waiting for the right moment to fall over the edge. I listened to his words and knew he meant every single one of them. We sat there, speechless for a good two minutes just admiring each other.

"What did I ever do to deserve you, Salvatore?"

He opened his mouth to speak but shut it abruptly and crashed his lips onto mine. He moaned under his breath and tangled his hands in my chocolate brown locks, pulling me closer. His raven black hair so soft and shiny in my hands and I pulled him in to close the gap between us. I felt one of his hands leave my hair and trail down my waist before disappearing. Before I knew what was happening, the seat fell back and I was met with the shimmering baby blue orbs that he possessed. Damon hovered over me, his strong arms on either side of my head. I shivered, either from the seductive stare from Damon or the bitter winter breeze that whisked about just outside the window - I couldn't distinguish between the two. He broke the kiss and stroked my cheeks intimately.

"Why don't we go back to the boarding house and decorate the tree, huh?"

I smiled up at him and kissed his temple. A simple nod was all it took to have him back in his seat. He held out his hand and as he was pulling me up, he let the seat come back up too. He started up the engine and pulled out of the lay-by, cranking up the heat full blast.

The tree was stood up in the corner of the living room, the decorations in a box waiting patiently to fulfil their annual destiny.

After much debate, Damon had placed the tree where I thought it looked best and I rushed to the kitchen for a mug of hot chocolate. I was surprised he didn't come with me, continuing on with his decision to keep me on room arrest but I accepted it nonetheless and continued with my task. I turned the kettle on and opened the cupboard to the mugs before shouting to him in the living room.

"Do you want a cup of hot chocolate or are you good with your bourbon?"

A moment of silence passed before he reverted to one of his cocky responses.

"Can't I have both?!"

I reached up on my tiptoes and grabbed two mugs, carefully placing them down and closing the door. Then I knelt down in front of the cupboard where all the pots and pans were kept. Right at the back was where Damon had his secret stash of bourbon and only I knew the location of it.

 _"I have to tell you something."_

 _"What is it?"_

 _He looked around the kitchen like he was about to tell me a secret._

 _"What is it Damon?"_

 _I tried to hide the giggle but it's escape was inevitable._

 _"This is serious!"_

 _He tried his best to act and sound all serious and proper but I could see straight through his act._

 _"Okay. If you look behind all these pots and pans, you will find my secret hidden bourbon stash."_

 _I waited for him to add on from this but to no avail, I got nothing._

 _"Is that it?"_

 _Hurt flashed over his eyes and his mouth dropped open, like I'd just murdered a puppy._

 _"What do you mean 'is that it'? I have just told you my biggest secret in the whole wide world and that's how you react? Hurt. I am genuinely hurt."_

 _Even the Great Damon Salvatore couldn't contain himself and he exploded in a fit of laughter. I started laughing at him laughing and we just stood in the kitchen laughing at each other._

I chuckled to myself and shook my head reminiscing at the distant memory. By then, the kettle had boiled and I poured the hot water into both mugs of cocoa powder. I topped one of them with a dash of bourbon and smiled. Satisfied with my work, I took the mugs into the living room and placed the bourbon-spiked drink in front of Damon, who was laid back on the sofa with his legs crossed and his arms sprawled out on the back of it.

"Thank you, my darling."

I sat on my legs next to him and just sat there, watching him intently.

"You're doing it again, Gilbert."

His velvety voice snapped me out of my dream-like trance and I turned away to drink my cocoa. I could see him eyeing me out of the corner of my eye and I quickly turned to see a worried look on his face as he was looking at me, my arms more specifically. Deep scars decorated every inch of skin on my arms up to my elbow. Usually I would hide them or put some makeup on them so they didn't appear so bad but with a lack of essentials, it was a little harder. I was also distracted, Damon had been so good at taking the attention away from my scars lately that I almost forgot about them. I guess I kind of did forget something- just how deep they really were. I put down my mug and tried to manoeuvre myself so they were less visible but Damon grabbed my wrists before I could get away. I gasped in surprise at how hard he was holding on to me.

"Damon, you're hurting me."

He let me go and rubbed his neck anxiously. He spoke quietly- unusually quiet.

"I'm sorry. But surely those cuts must've hurt more than my grasp"

I bowed my head in shame at my sad but all too real response. I whispered so he could barely hear.

"It doesn't hurt when I do it."

He pulled me onto him so I was straddling his waist and he rubbed my back soothingly, letting me drench his shoulder with my tears.

"You don't have to hide them. I don't have any issues with seeing them, I just wish you didn't feel the need to harm yourself in the first place. I can't imagine the things that go through your head when you do it."

I sat back, drying my eyes and looking down at my scarred wrists. Damon held them softly and ran his thumbs over the groves the blades had left.

"If you knew what went through my head during those horrific hours, you'd cry."

A look of horror appeared on his tired face but it was quickly replaced with sympathy.

"I know baby, I know…"

I spent the last 3 hours curled up in his side, never wanting to leave. I whimpered all too often at the thought of everything that had happened over the past two months. Tyler's abuse, the self harm, Damon rescuing me and now the abortion. Whenever I felt myself welling up with tears, Damon would hug me tighter and rock me back and forth gently.

The last time I looked at the clock it read 8:52pm. I figured that I must've fell asleep as it now read 10:12pm. The first thing I noticed was Damon's absence. The fire had burned out too. Something felt off but I couldn't quite place it. He must've been gone for a while as he definitely wouldn't have let the fire die. I grabbed my phone and started flicking through the names to find his. It rung a few times before going through to voice mail.

"Sorry I can't answer right now but leave a message and I'll get back to you soon."

Damon was never one to not answer when I called. In fact, that was the first time I had even heard his voice mail message.

 _It's fine Elena just calm the fuck down. He's probably just out getting food or something and got caught up in traffic. Even though it's quarter past ten on Christmas Eve and everything is closed. His phones probably died too, he never ignores my calls anyway so there must be a reason why he didn't pick up. Yeah, it's dead, his phones dead. But what if he's dead? What if Tyler has come back and killed him because I didn't listen to him? What if he's coming to get me next? What if he's already here and just waiting for me to find Damon's dead body? What if he heard me talking about wanting his head and that's what he's done to Damon? Oh my god oh my god oh my god. I have to do something. I have to find Damon and make sure he's okay. If he's alive at least._

"911, what's your emergency?"

"Someone's trying to kill me. They've already killed my boyfriend-fiancé sorry- and now he's coming to kill me."

"Ma'am, just take some deep breathes and try to stay calm. Can you tell me your name please?"

"Um, Elena Gilbert."

"Okay Elena are you still with you're fiancé now? What is his name?"

"Damon Salvatore. No, he isn't here but somebody has taken him and killed him."

"Have you seen your husband being taken or killed?"

"No, but he isn't picking up his phone and the fire has burned out which means he's been gone for a while. He has never left me for longer than 5 minutes without telling me why and where he's going."

"Okay ma'am, because you can't provide us with proper evidence of this, there is nothing I can do to help you. For your fiancé to be classed as a missing person he would've had to be missing for at least 24 hours. When is the last time you saw him Ms Gilbert?"

"Um, about two hours ago."

"Okay, unfortunately ma'am, I can't call this in as a missing persons case-"

"What? My fiancé is missing, potentially in danger and you have to help me. His killer is more than likely out to get me and you're doing nothing, nothing at all to protect me."

Just then the front door opened and my heart stopped in my chest. I ran to the kitchen, shut the lights off, grabbed a knife and hid behind the counter. I hadn't hung up to the police yet and she was getting suspicious of the silence.

"Ma'am, are you still with us?"

I whispered as quietly as I could, trying not to give away my position.

"Someone is in my home and I know it isn't my fiancé."

My voice got caught in my throat and I tried to hold my sobs. After hiding for five minutes, the kitchen suddenly erupted in red and blue lights and sirens sounded throughout the house. I heard the sound of someone- a vampire or werewolf- taking off through the kitchen and out the door.

"THIS IS VIRGINIA PD SURRENDER YOURSELF NOW."

I dropped the knife to the floor and raised my hands so they were visible over the counter. An armed police officer shone a bright light in my eyes and I couldn't help the tears from falling over the edge. I was picked up and led over to the kitchen table, my body shook uncontrollably and I was sobbing like a child. Every officer had a go and getting details but I was too shook up to comply with any of them. Question after question was fired at me and I just had one on a loop in my head.

 _Where the fuck was Damon?_

"Ms Gilbert, can you tell me the name of your fiancé."

"Your front door was open and somebody ran out. Did you report a robbery or missing person?"

"Ma'am, I'm going to need details of the intruder."

Every question pushed me further and further to the edge until I just slammed my hands down on the table and shouted.

"Enough!"

I calmly recollected myself and spoke in a nonchalant tone.

"I just need to wait for my fiancé."

I put on my best fake smile and looked at all the officers that surrounded me and the kitchen table.

"Now. Would anyone like a drink?"

I got a lot of confused looks before nearly half a dozen replied yes to my offer.

As I was filling the mugs with the proper requests, a young female officer came up beside me and tried to make light conversation.

"I see that you're distracting yourself by using your hands."

Without breaking contact with the mugs on the counter, I replied with a sentence as familiar to me as the back of my hand.

"What can I say? The more I distract myself from this shit-show, the better."

About half an hour later, I was sat in the living room, patiently waiting for my fiancé to come home and see me surrounded by 9 police officers. Just as I lifted the mug to my lips I heard his voice from outside the open front door.

"Elena! ELENA! Let me past, I fucking live here. LET ME _FUCKING_ SEE HER."

I calmly placed my mug down on the small table that filled the open space in the middle of the living room and walked over to the front door to see him being held back by two policemen. He pushed them off of him and held his arms up with his hands facing upwards. He gave me a questioning look.

"What the fuck is this?"

All I managed to do was shake my head and smirk at him. Turning my back, I announce to the police officers that my fiancé has returned home and I apologise for the wait and for wasting their time. They make sure the officers holding Damon back are the last ones to leave and he rushes up to me. He grasped my face and inspects every inch of my body that he could see. Rage flared up in him and his eyes turned a shade of blue so dark they looked black. I suddenly realised that this was the first time I feared him. He must've seen the petrified look in my face because his eyes softened instantly.

"Elena, what the _fuck_ were you thinking?"

He still had my face cupped in his hands and I reached up to grab them. I squeezed them tightly and cried freely.

 _"Elena. Elena, darling wake up for me."_

I suddenly jolted awake and darted my head around the room, not knowing where I was. A large brown blanket was draped over me and I must've had my head laid on his lap because he was looking at me, a pillow still in his lap. I jumped up and started to shout at him.

"I DON'T KNOW. YOU JUST UP AND LEFT AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO DO, I CALLED YOUR PHONE BUT YOU DIDN'T ANSWER. YOU COULD'VE BEEN DEAD FOR ALL I KNEW."

He waited for me to calm down and I whispered to him.

"Damon, why did you leave me?"

He stood up and wrapped the blanket around me again, pulling me in for a tight hug and kissing the top of my head before pulling me to his chest.

"I was right there baby. I didn't move at all but I watched what you were having nightmares about."

He sat us back down on the sofa and we cuddled up again.

"You were whimpering, not too badly but it was clear you were having a nightmare. Instead of waking you up, I kind of 'watched' it while you were sleeping. It got worse when you were hiding in the kitchen but then you calmed down a bit after that and I left you to sleep. I detached myself from your thoughts seconds before you woke up because I knew you were going to and here we are now."

I hugged his sides even tighter and closed my eyes.

"So none of that was real? You didn't toy with any of it?"

I felt his hand move up to my hair and stroke me before kissing my head softly.

"Of course not but I needed to see what it was about this time. Uh, there is actually something I should tell you about-"

Without even batting an eye I finished his sentence.

"Tyler. He got out of the safe and he's back out to get us both, hellbent on killing us."

I felt his chest contract and he blew out a heavy breath.

"How did you know."

"When I was in the kitchen, I could just feel a cold dead presence hovering over me. I knew it was him from the moment he came through the door. It's like he was somehow controlling my dreams.

I couldn't even think clearly anymore. All I knew was that Damon was safe, he was back- and so was Tyler.


	18. Chapter 15: A Christmas Miracle

Tuesday 24th December, 11:52pm*

Our tree was densely decorated with twinkling lights and baubles in all shapes, sizes and colours. It was a truly gorgeous tree and it gleamed with pride in the large living room.

Of course, Damon did most of the trimming, having spent more than 150 years decorating a tree every Christmas.

"There. All done."

He crossed his arms in front of the tree, his eyes bursting with confidence as his masterpiece dominated the parlour. He walked back to the sofa I was curled up on and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, bringing me into his chest.

"What do you think of the tree then?"

I laid my hand across his torso and sighed, appeased.

"I certainly think you've outdone yourself Damon."

I felt him gasp sarcastically at my snarky remark. I waited for him to return with an equally bitchy one but as he opened his mouth to speak the door bell rang.

I froze. My whole body tensed up and I jolted upright, grasping onto Damon for protection.

He felt my desperate call for help and he shushed me.

"It's alright, it's just our dinner."

I let out an exasperated sigh and mentally kicked myself for being so frightened.

 _It's just the damn door. Get a grip woman._

"Right. Dinner. Forgot about you."

He kissed my head at my statement.

"I'm going to go pay. Can you get a couple of plates out from the cupboard and we'll serve it up in here."

I shook my head and chuckled at my petrified reaction.

"Are you sure you wanna live with me still? If I'm jumping at the door bell now then I doubt it'll be long before I'm running from my own shadow."

He took my face in his hands and gave me a long passionate kiss.

"You could be running from yourself and I'd still wanna live with you."

"I'm already running from myself."

"And I still wanna live with you."

"I love you Damon."

I Eskimo- kissed him and gave him a little shove towards the door.

"Now go, I'm hungry!"

As he was walking towards the door, it rang again and I heard him whisper to himself just before I got to the kitchen.

"Alright, alright. Im coming. Jeez Louise."

I laughed out loud and got myself a drink before reaching for the plates in the top cupboard. After finishing off my water, I poured another glass and took it with me to the parlour.

"I hope you don't fill up on pizza and garlic bread because I've got a rather juicy dessert waiting for you in the bedr-"

The plates and glass slipped out of my hands and fell to the floor, shattering around me, creating a sort of barrier at my feet. I felt the cold water drown my feet and my throat dried at the view in front of me.

Stood in front of me was Bonnie, Caroline and my brother, Jeremy.

"Elena-"

Caroline stepped forward and I matched her actions, steeping back simultaneously.

"Damon called and told us that you were feeling a little down. We came to cheer you up."

She had a soft smile and a sparkle in her eyes. Just like I remember.

The last time I had seen all of them together was Jeremy's going away party at the Grill. Bonnie and Damon had banded together to close the restaurant for the evening so we could celebrate Jeremy getting into college. I smiled discreetly at the happy memories dancing around in my head.

"That was so long ago." I whispered, mainly to myself. Jeremy spoke up next.

"The last time we were together was on the 30th of August. Just before I went to college. Is that what you mean?"

I nodded my head in agreement, still not being able to process the thought of them being in the same room as me. I thrust my head in the direction of where Damon was standing, I only now realised now that the doorbell wasn't food-it was my friends.

"When did you do this?"

He walked around the sofas so he was stood in front of me.

"I made a group chat the other week with everyone in it-including Stefan but he couldn't make it, he had a work commitment. But I thought it would be nice for you to see everyone, especially at Christmas."

I was still grasping at the thought of this gesture. I just couldn't believe what was happening.

Bonnies voice was the next thing I heard.

"We all tried getting in touch before now, ask Damon, but he had told us a little about a rough patch you were going through and we thought it'd be best to let you recover first before we visited."

I turned to him, anger present in my stance and facial expression.

"Why didn't you let me see my friends?"

He held his hands up to surrender before answering me.

"Elena, believe me, that was not my decision. I consulted with Clara before inviting everyone over. I needed to make sure this wouldn't provoke any negative feelings or actions."

I paused to take in his answer before asking a question directed at the newcomers.

"What do you know about the last few months?"

They all exchanged glances between one another before Bonnie spoke for them all.

"Damon has told us that Tyler attacked you the night of Caroline's birthday and that dealing with it has been excruciating. He's actually be quite vague about what's been going on with you."

Caroline, Bonnie and Jeremy looked at each other again, as if they were having a conversation with just their eyes. Jeremy spoke up.

"But you're so much stronger than that which is why we don't believe you Damon. We came to get answers about what _really_ went down that night. We've come to help you Elena."

That did it. All the tears I was trying so hard to keep below the surface just came streaming out in one vulnerable moment. The three guests ran up and wrapped their arms around me. I hugged as many as I could and let the tears fall freely.

"I missed you guys so fucking much, you have no idea how much I love all of you."

"Aw Elena you've made me cry! Thank god I opted for waterproof mascara today."

I laughed, I missed Caroline's one liners.

"I have been begging Damon to let us see you for weeks and I never expected this to be your reaction, I thought I'd be the one bawling."

I kissed Bonnies cheek. I missed her compassion.

"I'm gonna fucking kill that bastard for what he did to you Elena."

I hugged Jeremy the most. I missed his overprotectiveness.

Between the shoulders and heads I saw Damon watching from a distance and we had a silent conversation.

 _"Thank you so much for this."_

 _"You're welcome."_

 _"I love you."_

 _"I love you too."_

Caroline was the first to pull away.

"Right! It's Christmas Eve and we have present and cards to dish out!"

Bonnie clapped excitedly and Jeremy went over to the bag I didn't know he dropped.

I jumped at the sudden contact on my shoulder.

"I'm just gonna make everyone a cup of tea and clean up the glass before you hurt yourself.."

Damon whispered in my ear behind me and kissed my cheek. I placed my hand on his and turned my head to the floor where my feet and glass were mixed together.

"I'm sorry. I didn't even realise-"

"It's fine. Just watch out for the big piece near the sofa."

I watched him walk to the kitchen before sitting in the middle of the girls with Jeremy on the floor pulling presents and cards out from his massive bag.

"Jeez Santa, how much stuff did you bring?!"

"You won't be complaining when you see what I've bought you."

I sighed,

"You guys seriously didn't need to get me anything, just your company is plenty."

"Well suck it up. We've all got you something."

I shook my head and laughed.

"Thank you for this you guys. It's been a rough couple of months to say the least."

After I opened all the presents, and hugged each gift giver, Damon came in and asked what everyone wanted to eat, as we were _actually_ ordering in now. He went back to the kitchen and rang up the takeaway place. All four of us still in the living room bickered about our lives over the last couple of months, I could tell each one of them were edging on asking me what had really happened in October. And to be honest, I was planning on telling them, I really was. But I just couldn't do it alone. So I made a pledge to tell them as we were all eating dinner together, that way, Damon would be in the room and I'd be strong enough to. The issue is, though, that no matter how strong Damon makes me, I have to learn to be brave on my own.

A comfortable murmur of clattering plates and requests for food settled in over us and it was the most I've felt at home for a very long time. I sat there for a couple minutes, just watching over everyone getting along and laughing at their own pleasantries. Jeremy's voice snapped me out of my trance and I smiled a genuinely happy smile.

"Elena, you alright over there?"

"What? Oh yeah, I am fine. I just missed this so much."

I got happy smiles back as a response and it was settled. I was at home again and I never wanted this feeling to go away.

When everyone was finished eating and the plates and food had been cleared away, we all sat in front of the fire in silence. I felt this was the right time to address the elephant in the room.

"I think I'm ready to come clean now."

This got everyone's attention-even Damon was intrigued.

"Do you want the good news or the tragic news first?"

As was expected, they all voted for the tragic thing first.

"You can stop at any time Elena, don't feel pressured into telling us everything."

Bonnie reassured me and it boosted my confidence, almost compelling me to tell them now.

"Thank you Bonnie, but I have to do this."

Damon held my hand in his lap and stroked the top with the pad of this thumb. He whispered in my ear.

"Just take your time, darling."

Through tears, hugging and crying, I finally got it all out. Everything that Tyler did to me- the attack in the shower, the broken mirror, my first self inflicted 'incision', the pregnancy and, at last, my miscarriage from Tyler's second attack. I got started on my therapist, Clara and how helpful she's been with collaborating with Damon.

"I've only met with her once but I've emailed her a few times. Our next appointment is in about three weeks on the 14th of January."

All the faces staring back at me were filled with sorrow and sadness, as though they were trying to take away my pain using their looks.

"But enough of the pity party, now for the good stuff!"

This seemed to lighten the mood a bit so I carried on. I motioned to Damon to join me at the front of the small crowd and he curled his arms around me while I grasped onto his hands tightly.

"We're engaged"

A shrill squeal erupted from Bonnie and Caroline as they rushed over and started clawing at my hand, trying to get a decent view of the ring.

"Whew Damon, that is one big ass sparky diamond."

"Hello Care? It's Damon, you really think he'd settle for a small, mediocre ring for Elena?"

"That is very true. So tell me Damon, what's the history behind this ring? Which princess did you steal it from back in the day?"

I smiled at Caroline's cocky response and answered her question for him.

"Actually Care, this ring used to belong to Damon's mother. She gave it to him just before she died."

Damon cleared his throat and decided to join in.

"Yes, I was 17 and I had no idea what to do with it except keep it somewhere safe. Before I gave it to Elena, it had spent the last 160 years gathering dust in the attic."

I smiled at him then back at the ring.

"I'm sure you can imagine my surprise when he dug this massive sparkler out of his back pocket!"

I could see a subtle tear crawl down Jeremy's face. He sighed, content with life and spoke happily.

"I am just so happy for you both. I know that you've longed for someone to spend your life with Elena and I couldn't imagine you spending it with anyone else-"

Just before anyone else butted in, he continued.

"- with that being said; Damon, if you ever hurt my big sister or cause her distress if any kind, I will personally hunt you down. And kill you."

He finished with a proud grin and eyed Damon.

Damon smirked at Jeremy and the tension eased off.

"Alright Pocahontas, message received. But I just want you to know that any discomfort Elena experiences, I feel it tenfold. Her pain hurts me too."

He pulled me in for a tight hug and I glanced over at the clock on the wall.

"Well guys, it's officially Christmas Day."

With his arm still hanging over my shoulder, Damon and everyone glanced at the same clock and found someone to hug.

It was 2:37 Christmas morning when they gang eventually decided to go home. As much as I wanted them to stay forever, I was spent. But I adored having them come to see me at the last minute, just before Christmas too and the timing was perfect, with everything going to shits. I just had one special person to thank for the unexpected surprise- and boy was he gonna get thanked.


End file.
